I totaled my Chevy Blazer last Saturday while in Iowa ... here's the last take from the POV of the doomed vehicle.
Im cold, Im covered in snow and now, I will soon be parting from my owner for the last time. Ive had a good run, Ive had some interesting company. I was born in 2000 and dont really remember much about my first owner.
Apparently they didnt feel I was good enough, so I sat in Hampton, until one day, some guy named Twinkie came in and rescued me and took me for a whirlwind tour and it was one helluva ride.
It was October of 2003 and a distant cousin, a Ford Bronco II, had been put to pasture. I was newer, more in tune with society, I even had an airbag or two. I was more comfortable and kicked serious ass.
I got pissed at times. Ive been puked on, puked in, pissed on, sneezed on, spit on, smoked in, spilled on, spilled in, hit by trees, sideswiped by taxis and seen the country.
I started out living in Virginia, hitting potholes in ghetto neighborhoods and driving up on curbs. I was not the Bronco, so Twinkie treated me with more respect. I wasnt beaten up, I was in great shape, in the prime of my life.
Im a Southern being, I dont like snow, I dont like the cold. Ive had better days, been sick, broke down here and there, but Im powered by Vortec, and I know how to get from point A to point B.
Ive come home for Christmas, moves across country, been jammed with a 46-inch flat screen TV as the only other passenger. Ive been crammed with seven people heading down to a concert, where I was sadly left outside.
Ive been pulled over, towed, and Ive had three different coworkers with my sound system.
Ive been covered in dog hair, old CDs, dirt. Ive had better days, Id have worse days.
Ive been to Philadelphia, New York City, Virginia Beach I went over 100,000 miles at the base of the Washington Monument in D.C. Ive been lost in Baltimore, turned around in Harrisburg, and seemingly, at home, in some place called Fargo, N.D.
Id never been to Fargo, yet I seemed to know everything about it. Why did I know what the Bison Turf was? Id never been there. Who were these people piling into me? They seemed familiar, like friends, but I hadnt met them.
Oh wait, I remember you Ben, you puked in me two weeks after I was purchased.
It was a happy day when I learned I was no longer the property of a bank, but some guy who couldnt drive a lick and ran me to the bone October, five years after I drove off a Pomoco lot in the shadows of the Hampton Coliseum on Mercury Boulevard, I was now fully paid off.
Here it is, January of 2009 and I wont see February. My wheels dont grip ice well, I got punched in the face by a concrete wall. Im done, Im not going to ever get back on the road. Im worm food, well, at least Im due for a slow demise in a crusher or salvage yard. Ive got some good things left, but Im no longer of any use to anyone who wants to drive me.
I havent been on as many roads as Johnny Cash, but Ive been to Fargo, I can probably sing half the lines, because Ive heard it so many times.
Ill never hear any more 2 Skinnee Js, Ill never hear any more Atmosphere. Ill never be stuck in a parking garage again. Ill never have to deal with needing new wipers. Ill never know what its like to see the Pacific.
I know these inherent facts:
Ive had many co-pilots from Virginia to Pennsylvania to Minnesota.
Ive seen people spin out and crash in front of me just days before Christmas.
I know that disc golf isnt just an activity.
Ive toted Olympians, NCAA Wrestling Champions and the sports finest.
Ive toted scumbags and complete jackasses as well.
Ive hauled PA equipment.
Ive attended Roller Derby.
Ive reeked of beer and smoke.
Ive been unlocked by locksmiths.
Ive been unlocked by a very large Katana blade.
I know what the drive thru attendant at the Lancaster McDonalds sounds like and she knows the rattle of my muffler.
I know people see me and know I spent time at Old Dominion University.
I know people have used me to sleep in and pass out and again, puke.
I know I once cost 80 bucks to fill up.
I know Ive been worked on, fixed, broken and repaired.
Ive been to New York, Pennsylvania, Maryland, Delaware, New Jersey, Virginia, North Carolina, West Virginia, Indiana, Ohio, Illinois, Wisconsin, Minnesota, Iowa, Missouri and North Dakota.
I know what the outside of Pats and Genos look like.
Very few people have ever been behind my wheel.
I know what a WU-FONG is and have mastered it.
I know I had a good run.
I had a great life and in 136,000 miles I dont regret it all.
I knew my time was coming, but didnt think it would be this abrupt.
I will say this when I see you in hell, Mr. Concrete, Im going to EFF you up something good.
This is my swan song
Blazer - OUT.
Im cold, Im covered in snow and now, I will soon be parting from my owner for the last time. Ive had a good run, Ive had some interesting company. I was born in 2000 and dont really remember much about my first owner.
Apparently they didnt feel I was good enough, so I sat in Hampton, until one day, some guy named Twinkie came in and rescued me and took me for a whirlwind tour and it was one helluva ride.
It was October of 2003 and a distant cousin, a Ford Bronco II, had been put to pasture. I was newer, more in tune with society, I even had an airbag or two. I was more comfortable and kicked serious ass.
I got pissed at times. Ive been puked on, puked in, pissed on, sneezed on, spit on, smoked in, spilled on, spilled in, hit by trees, sideswiped by taxis and seen the country.
I started out living in Virginia, hitting potholes in ghetto neighborhoods and driving up on curbs. I was not the Bronco, so Twinkie treated me with more respect. I wasnt beaten up, I was in great shape, in the prime of my life.
Im a Southern being, I dont like snow, I dont like the cold. Ive had better days, been sick, broke down here and there, but Im powered by Vortec, and I know how to get from point A to point B.
Ive come home for Christmas, moves across country, been jammed with a 46-inch flat screen TV as the only other passenger. Ive been crammed with seven people heading down to a concert, where I was sadly left outside.
Ive been pulled over, towed, and Ive had three different coworkers with my sound system.
Ive been covered in dog hair, old CDs, dirt. Ive had better days, Id have worse days.
Ive been to Philadelphia, New York City, Virginia Beach I went over 100,000 miles at the base of the Washington Monument in D.C. Ive been lost in Baltimore, turned around in Harrisburg, and seemingly, at home, in some place called Fargo, N.D.
Id never been to Fargo, yet I seemed to know everything about it. Why did I know what the Bison Turf was? Id never been there. Who were these people piling into me? They seemed familiar, like friends, but I hadnt met them.
Oh wait, I remember you Ben, you puked in me two weeks after I was purchased.
It was a happy day when I learned I was no longer the property of a bank, but some guy who couldnt drive a lick and ran me to the bone October, five years after I drove off a Pomoco lot in the shadows of the Hampton Coliseum on Mercury Boulevard, I was now fully paid off.
Here it is, January of 2009 and I wont see February. My wheels dont grip ice well, I got punched in the face by a concrete wall. Im done, Im not going to ever get back on the road. Im worm food, well, at least Im due for a slow demise in a crusher or salvage yard. Ive got some good things left, but Im no longer of any use to anyone who wants to drive me.
I havent been on as many roads as Johnny Cash, but Ive been to Fargo, I can probably sing half the lines, because Ive heard it so many times.
Ill never hear any more 2 Skinnee Js, Ill never hear any more Atmosphere. Ill never be stuck in a parking garage again. Ill never have to deal with needing new wipers. Ill never know what its like to see the Pacific.
I know these inherent facts:
Ive had many co-pilots from Virginia to Pennsylvania to Minnesota.
Ive seen people spin out and crash in front of me just days before Christmas.
I know that disc golf isnt just an activity.
Ive toted Olympians, NCAA Wrestling Champions and the sports finest.
Ive toted scumbags and complete jackasses as well.
Ive hauled PA equipment.
Ive attended Roller Derby.
Ive reeked of beer and smoke.
Ive been unlocked by locksmiths.
Ive been unlocked by a very large Katana blade.
I know what the drive thru attendant at the Lancaster McDonalds sounds like and she knows the rattle of my muffler.
I know people see me and know I spent time at Old Dominion University.
I know people have used me to sleep in and pass out and again, puke.
I know I once cost 80 bucks to fill up.
I know Ive been worked on, fixed, broken and repaired.
Ive been to New York, Pennsylvania, Maryland, Delaware, New Jersey, Virginia, North Carolina, West Virginia, Indiana, Ohio, Illinois, Wisconsin, Minnesota, Iowa, Missouri and North Dakota.
I know what the outside of Pats and Genos look like.
Very few people have ever been behind my wheel.
I know what a WU-FONG is and have mastered it.
I know I had a good run.
I had a great life and in 136,000 miles I dont regret it all.
I knew my time was coming, but didnt think it would be this abrupt.
I will say this when I see you in hell, Mr. Concrete, Im going to EFF you up something good.
This is my swan song
Blazer - OUT.
Thanks for the nice comment on Illyria's newest set Popcorn Sunday.