Friend is a four letter word.
I've never had good experiences with friends. In High school I was spontaniously abandoned by every friend I had and to this day I have no idea why.
I wrote off having friends forever, but within a year I found my life feeling far too isolated and lonely, so I started looking for friends again.
Over the past 8 years I have made new friends several times, but it always ends the same way: in some way I always end up being abanded by friends. Maybe I'm just not that fun to be around, I don't know.
Less than a year ago was the worst time since high school. It had been almost two years since I had had any kind of real friendship, and I was so sick being dumped by people that I was sure I would never bother trying again, but I met someone that changed my mind.
I was completely alone (Librarygirl was working in the states at the time) and in a very dark place. I was in desperate need of a friend and one found me, someone who was working for me at the time.
We became very close over a short amount of time. We spent a lot of time together and she shared a lot of who she was with me (in particular SG, contemporary music and recreational drugs). When LG got back from the states we all became good friends, and when we had to find a new place to live, this person suggested we move next door, and even helped us get the apartment.
In many ways I would say this person was the best friend I have ever had, but suddenly the novelty of being my friend seemed to wear off. I lost my job, so I was no longer her boss, and that was essentially the last time I ever saw her.
For months I sat home alone, with no work, in complete isolation. I didn't shower, shave or cut my hair for six months. LG tried to keep me sane, but she had to work everyday so we could still pay the bills. And my best friend, who lived next door, never came by. She rarely even answered my emails. Overnight our friendship had dissolved into virtual non-existance. I was completely devastated in every sense of the word.
But she had left me with something....SG. Although LG has been a part of the community for some time I was so anti-friendship I continued to stay far away from any kind of communication with other humans. But eventually, as always I began to feel the need for companionship, and so this seemed like a logical enough place to start. Online friendship seemed like less of a committment, and less of a risk to me. And I have made friends on here, and may even meet some of them soon. But I was wrong about it being less of a committment and less of a risk to me.
I'm not a particularily "good" person, I have always suffered/benefited from a certain moral ambiguity, but some things, even to me, are truly despicable.
To hang around a discussion group for people suffering from depression,
then contact people you find there by email,
establish a connection,
pretend to be friends,
share experiences and
get the person to open up to you,
exchange emails back and forth and even
start to convince this person that you really do share someting,
for them to ultimately find out you are just trying to make some money off them,
is truly despicable.
To be willing to go to those lengths for financial gain is a concept I truly cannot fathom. To be willing to accept the consequences of what could happen to the people you are taking advantage of when and if they find out is equally unfathomable.
I realize SG is an online community, and where there is community there are going to be people trying to profit from other people, but for something this horrible to happen here, where I really thought I would not have to worry about this kind of thing, has taken some of the magic out of it for me. A lot of the magic.
I'm not going to say who this person was or how I found out what they were doing. Or even take them off my friends list right away. They are someone who has become extremely popular in the few short weeks they have been on the site, and could very well become a suicide girl in the near future. I know from reading other peoples' posts that having enemies on here can destroy the experience for you completely, especially powerful ones, but to my friends: be wary of anyone offering you their personal email because they are "so glad to have found you."
I've never had good experiences with friends. In High school I was spontaniously abandoned by every friend I had and to this day I have no idea why.
I wrote off having friends forever, but within a year I found my life feeling far too isolated and lonely, so I started looking for friends again.
Over the past 8 years I have made new friends several times, but it always ends the same way: in some way I always end up being abanded by friends. Maybe I'm just not that fun to be around, I don't know.
Less than a year ago was the worst time since high school. It had been almost two years since I had had any kind of real friendship, and I was so sick being dumped by people that I was sure I would never bother trying again, but I met someone that changed my mind.
I was completely alone (Librarygirl was working in the states at the time) and in a very dark place. I was in desperate need of a friend and one found me, someone who was working for me at the time.
We became very close over a short amount of time. We spent a lot of time together and she shared a lot of who she was with me (in particular SG, contemporary music and recreational drugs). When LG got back from the states we all became good friends, and when we had to find a new place to live, this person suggested we move next door, and even helped us get the apartment.
In many ways I would say this person was the best friend I have ever had, but suddenly the novelty of being my friend seemed to wear off. I lost my job, so I was no longer her boss, and that was essentially the last time I ever saw her.
For months I sat home alone, with no work, in complete isolation. I didn't shower, shave or cut my hair for six months. LG tried to keep me sane, but she had to work everyday so we could still pay the bills. And my best friend, who lived next door, never came by. She rarely even answered my emails. Overnight our friendship had dissolved into virtual non-existance. I was completely devastated in every sense of the word.
But she had left me with something....SG. Although LG has been a part of the community for some time I was so anti-friendship I continued to stay far away from any kind of communication with other humans. But eventually, as always I began to feel the need for companionship, and so this seemed like a logical enough place to start. Online friendship seemed like less of a committment, and less of a risk to me. And I have made friends on here, and may even meet some of them soon. But I was wrong about it being less of a committment and less of a risk to me.
I'm not a particularily "good" person, I have always suffered/benefited from a certain moral ambiguity, but some things, even to me, are truly despicable.
To hang around a discussion group for people suffering from depression,
then contact people you find there by email,
establish a connection,
pretend to be friends,
share experiences and
get the person to open up to you,
exchange emails back and forth and even
start to convince this person that you really do share someting,
for them to ultimately find out you are just trying to make some money off them,
is truly despicable.
To be willing to go to those lengths for financial gain is a concept I truly cannot fathom. To be willing to accept the consequences of what could happen to the people you are taking advantage of when and if they find out is equally unfathomable.
I realize SG is an online community, and where there is community there are going to be people trying to profit from other people, but for something this horrible to happen here, where I really thought I would not have to worry about this kind of thing, has taken some of the magic out of it for me. A lot of the magic.
I'm not going to say who this person was or how I found out what they were doing. Or even take them off my friends list right away. They are someone who has become extremely popular in the few short weeks they have been on the site, and could very well become a suicide girl in the near future. I know from reading other peoples' posts that having enemies on here can destroy the experience for you completely, especially powerful ones, but to my friends: be wary of anyone offering you their personal email because they are "so glad to have found you."
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Hang in there!