Don't forget about the party tomorrow night!!! (check my events section please)
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i wished i was thinner. i wished i was smaller. my bones trying to poke through skin. then i could hide more easily. inside closets or under beds. and make my home there with the monsters. where they could protect me.
but i found myself curled up, full clothed, crouching in the bathtub. hands hiding inside the tattered edges of that green shirt. the same one that wrapped me up and kept me safe and warm when i was lost in new york.
in my semi-catatonic state, i rocked myself back and forth with eyes glued to the crack in the door. whispering to myself. and everytime i heard you shuffle down the hall; and everytime i heard keys jangle outside, my mind would jolt like the second hand of a clock does when it makes its leap from 37 to 38.
i feel at home with the grime on the floor of the tub. i fear what you will say when you see me. dirt is only earth that is not in its 'proper' place.
i feel trapped inside my dichotomies.
my hair is dead and it crowns me. what do you think of it now? i saw a tree once, completely wrapped in ice. almost like a 2nd skin--almost like armour. wrapped entirely in the season of death. i cried at its beauty.
sometimes i sleep with my socks on. feet are precious. and you never know who's after them. during the day i sleep fully clothed. night is a different type of anxiety.
when i was a child, i reached out and grabbed my own hand and held it. i remember how it felt. i remember the feel of the church pew forcefully imprinting itself on my brain. the incense still clings to my nostrils. i smell it everywhere. my tiny little hand. it felt so small.
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the votes are in--> it appears that my next journal entry has to be about LSD and a day at the amusement park. oh yeah. it was lots of fun and i'd love to share it all with you.
voting was almost unanimous (if you dont count the people who requested both--but i didn't do both at the same time and i'm very happy about it. prob would have given me a record, and i'm quite happy in being super clean--on paper anyway. kind of...i suppose i would be if you destroy those hospital records...) ok, yeah, soon...
______________________________
i wished i was thinner. i wished i was smaller. my bones trying to poke through skin. then i could hide more easily. inside closets or under beds. and make my home there with the monsters. where they could protect me.
but i found myself curled up, full clothed, crouching in the bathtub. hands hiding inside the tattered edges of that green shirt. the same one that wrapped me up and kept me safe and warm when i was lost in new york.
in my semi-catatonic state, i rocked myself back and forth with eyes glued to the crack in the door. whispering to myself. and everytime i heard you shuffle down the hall; and everytime i heard keys jangle outside, my mind would jolt like the second hand of a clock does when it makes its leap from 37 to 38.
i feel at home with the grime on the floor of the tub. i fear what you will say when you see me. dirt is only earth that is not in its 'proper' place.
i feel trapped inside my dichotomies.
my hair is dead and it crowns me. what do you think of it now? i saw a tree once, completely wrapped in ice. almost like a 2nd skin--almost like armour. wrapped entirely in the season of death. i cried at its beauty.
sometimes i sleep with my socks on. feet are precious. and you never know who's after them. during the day i sleep fully clothed. night is a different type of anxiety.
when i was a child, i reached out and grabbed my own hand and held it. i remember how it felt. i remember the feel of the church pew forcefully imprinting itself on my brain. the incense still clings to my nostrils. i smell it everywhere. my tiny little hand. it felt so small.
___________________________________
the votes are in--> it appears that my next journal entry has to be about LSD and a day at the amusement park. oh yeah. it was lots of fun and i'd love to share it all with you.
voting was almost unanimous (if you dont count the people who requested both--but i didn't do both at the same time and i'm very happy about it. prob would have given me a record, and i'm quite happy in being super clean--on paper anyway. kind of...i suppose i would be if you destroy those hospital records...) ok, yeah, soon...
VIEW 25 of 33 COMMENTS
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nice to meet you. would like to have spoken to you a bit more.
but soon. x
distract me whenever you feel like being distracted.