rainrix

Eh... It's been a long time since I've posted here. A mix of being busy for a while, and then being completely depressed and anti people for a while. Oh wait... I'm still in that second stage but eh...

So firstly yeah... I worked for TT Games for a few months. Was pretty cool but I just couldn't handle working overtime. My anxiety was leaving me exhausted non-stop... I only had enough energy to work 6 hours with full energy, after that the last couple of hours I worked each day were sort of half energy really not being able to concentrate. I worked on LEGO: Jurassic World for the 3DS, and LEGO: Dimensions for its various platforms (I preferred the PS4 version personally... But I'm biased because I prefer the PS4 to the XBOX One. LEGO: Jurassic World I was really good at doing the QA Testing. LEGO: Dimensions though eh it was very hard for me as I had to work closely with other people... Not good when I was barely holding my anxiety in. Eh in the end I was told I was really bad at the job... Which has left me feeling pretty depressed. I know I did a good job on the handheld testing as I was left on my own all day, but I only did handheld for a month and for some reason they didn't really count my work there as important as my work on the console games... Whilst the console work I had to deal with people a lot. Plus I got tons of grief for not working overtime (Which is unpaid), I wish the manager talked to me sooner about work issues really instead of leaving it until the very end where I can't fix my faults.

*sigh*

Well either way... I tried and failed. I wasn't ready to go back in to work. My anxiety was (And still is) pretty bad. I also pushed myself in to working because I wanted to prove to my partner at the time that I could put aside my personal issues and work etc. You know... Being a good partner and supporting and all.

After finishing that job I went back to Plymouth. The person I was living with in Wilmslow suddenly stopped replying to my messages and has stolen the £300 deposit I paid her... And legally since I don't have any paperwork about that she's gotten away with stealing the money... She knew I had major anxiety and all aswell. So yeah she totally screwed me over. Within a month of returning to Plymouth my partner wanted me to move in with her where she was living in London. I was kind of nervous about that but in the end I decided that yes it would be better for me to move to London to be with her. It'd be expensive but awesome. Well... A week before I was going to move to London she contacted me and said she was having second thoughts about the relationship...

Well a few weeks later I was back to being single...

Over 3 months later and I'm still not over the whole thing. I found out my ex got a new boyfriend shortly after leaving me (And now she's moving to Nottingham to be with him) My doctor has increased my anxiety medication dosage to the maximum safe amount. I'm now a total hermit who doesn't trust anyone... I don't want to really deal with people anymore or connect with anyone. I'm either going to get screwed over or emotionally hurt...

Eh I know... Nobody likes reading emo depressing posts. Just I had to at least get this out... Though I feel like I'm missing lots of little details or something. My thoughts never manage to translate from my head to any form of media...

I'll try to post more stuff later on or something.