rainestorm

After the events of last night I got to talking to a friend about ex partners and who had been out with the most mental women and it seems I win. Hands down.

First there was Laura. Laura and I had dated for about 3 days and it was coming up to Valentine's day. She told me she wanted to get me a gift and I was very flattered at the thought that someone wanted to do that for me. The following night we're out having a quiet drink and she pulls a bit of paper from her bag to show me this 'gift'. It was a pillow case which you could have a picture copied onto - she was going to put her face on it so 'even when she's not there, she can always be next to me'. Keep in mind this was the fourth day we'd been seeing each other and we'd not slept together, I just assumed she was joking and laughed, quite loudly. Needless to say she was deadly serious, I was a bit freaked out and she started a hate campaign against me which included doctoring gay porn images and posting them on Myspace.

Then there was Charley, a very beautiful, funny and intelligent art student. We went out, had a great time and agreed to see each other the following night. We'd been to a rock club and it was about 3am and were heading back to the taxi rank. As we got to the taxi rank, an older lady walked up and started talking to us, explaining that she had come over from Nigeria and had just fnished work doing some industrial cleaning and wanted to get home. When the taxi pulls up, I tell her that she can get this one and we'll wait for the next one. Charley wades in with 'Oh no she fucking won't. These people come over here and take our jobs and now she's going to take my fucking taxi??' I didn't go home with Charley that night...

Gemma lied about having a son (which was actually her brother) and would tell me not to say anything about it when I was at her parents house as she had been declared an unfit mother and they had custody, so it was a touchy subject. I probably should have picked up on this one a lot sooner.

Now Amanda. I met Amanda through a friend - she was an actress and dancer and very beautiful. It was a bit like a whirlwind romance, we went out for a few dates and before I knew it I was spending the weekend at her place. Out of the blue she turns to me and asks 'If we found out we couldn't have kids, would you still love me?" BAM Answer that without stuttering bitch! I hadn't actually said I loved her yet, so it was an awkward question to say the least. She picked up on the fact that I felt a bit awkward and changed it to 'Ok, well, would you stay with me?' The following weekend she came to stay at my place and she kept going on about kids and marriage what sort of wedding I wanted. To be honest, that sort of talk doesn't freak me out because I think it's important to know if both of you are in the same place - but I wouldn't go on and on and on and on and on and on and on about it. Anyhoo, we go to bed and at about 2am I hear a noise, open my eyes and I see her going through my draws! She freaks out over something and screams at me demanding to know why there's a picture of a girl in my photo album - 'because it's a photo album from when I was on holiday with some friends?' but no, I was obviously shagging this girl. So she gets dressed and drives home. I end the relationship and she spends a week texting me telling me that I can't just turn my feelings off and that I have to look her in the eyes and tell her it's over (again). The she goes all Fatal Attraction on me and turns up at my house and leaving weird messages about 'I hope your dog is ok' and so on.

Why am I telling you all of this? I don't know, probably because I find it quite amusing and hope maybe you would too. The sad thing is that I'm not making any of it up! To that end, I've decided I really want to date an SG or SG Hopeful. But then, who doesn't!