rainbowgrrl

Sorry.
Im sorry im not like the other kids,
they're all so mean to me.
I cant take it anymore.
I dont understand why they have to be so mean,
im not different, im still human. Nobodies perfect.
Im sorry ive let you all down, ive had enough of this pain.
I cannot take it anymore.
All the tears, hurt, anger and humilation isnt worth the love you give to me,
Im so sorry i really am.
the scars on my body show years of abuse,
secret and hidden from all of you until now.
Im sorry ive let you all,i really am.
As i hold these pills i remember happy things.
I want to be happy again, i know i will be soon.
As the pain eases and the room begins to spin i think of you and happy times.
I can finally be free.

Voices.
the voice just keeps on going,
i dont think it will ever stop.
I want it to stop, ive begged it to stop but it wont.
it just keeps on coming like the song you hate the most that is stuck on repeat.
"your no good"
"your worthless, selfish"
"Look at yourself, god your soo ugly!"
"My god look at those thighs, HUGE"
"why would anyone want to be with you, you're so...so.. ugly"

The voice doesnt think it hurts,
but it does. it makes me cry, makes me upset, makes me do things i regret.
i wish it would stop why wont it?
I know you're all thinking 'why the hell dont u just ignore it? run from it u silly cow'
but i cant. I dont know if its real or not, i cant see it all the time,
i can only hear it.
Its real i know that, it exists, its standing looking at me right now.
I see it everyday when i stand in front of this mirror. the voice is inside me.

i wrote these a while ago and i just found them again...