ragingwhore42

ok so i would just like to start this with a slightly angry rant-which will go something like this. i hate it when people decide that all the sudden-out of the blue, they have to be the most loyal person in the world, just not to the person that they supposedly care so much about. they'd rather piss that person off-and ruin the fun streak that was being very enjoyed-and say that they can't help because they wouldn't want to betray some idiotic bitches trust. what about my trust?-why is it ok to do this only when it's convenient for you? does it makes sense to me that you betrayed my trust a few months ago-in a much bigger and maybe worse way-just because you've justified it in your head-and it's ok with you? i think not! i think if anything it's making me realize that even though i love you tremendously-i can't fucking stand you sometimes- i'm really beginning to dislike you-maybe even be disgusted by you. why do you have these fucked up little rules that seem as though they were designed to make you feel better and hurt me as much as possible? why am i expected to put up with this shit and still act as if i care about anything you say-or do-or want? why do i have to pretend when you've made it clear that you never will?

ok on to not so unfun things.
so i have actually been getting out of the house and doing things lately. i need a job so i can turn that lately into an always-life would be so much better if i worked. i think i may even give in and go apply at fucking taco bell. i don't care anymore-i'm sick of never being anywhere except in front of this thing-and wondering how i'm gonna pay rent. sure my back problems may get worse-but then i'll actually have money to go to a masseusse(?). yeah so i think the next week or 2 shall be devoted to maybe dyeing my hair so it looks normal and going to look for a job-i've given up on hoping for a cool job at like powells-or somewhere equally cool it would rock if cpt. nakey came through but it's doubtful so i give up. i want to be independent. just once-to see what it feels like. i think i will like it. but i'm also afraid that if i'm good at it-i'll stop interacting with people altogether. i think everyone should be alone forever. whoever decided that putting lots of people together was a good idea is an idiot. people can hurt you-and they do. i want to never have to deal with people again.
and watch pulp fiction every day-yeah i want that too.

i guess it's pretty much all unfun. oh well-i suppose that's life. at least i've got my sg. and pulp fiction-yeah that too