raging_donut

I am broken.

Tonight I got this email:

"Dear Mister Smith. we regret you to inform that one of you young children died accident. Ban was a young girl. Friends loved her and the monks. She was loved. We miss her."

A few years ago I spent a month travelling by motorcycle in Thailand. Little Ban was selling flower necklaces at midnight in the Chaing Mai night market when we met. Unlike many street children, she actually had a little adult supervision: teachers from her "school/orphanage". I spoke with one of them and discovered that she was an orphan and was selling flower necklaces to hep support her school/home.

That doesn't really matter...the short story is that as soon as I met her and understood that many children were stuck on the streets in Thailand, I started donating money to support Ban. We exchanged a lot of jokes while I was in her city, and a few letters after I returned home. She wanted to be a teacher, like my brother...like the people who took care of her.

Now it would seem she's passed on. Oh hell.. i've been crying for the last hour since I read the news. Little Ban stole my heart, in a paternal sort of way. She was bold and more than a little clever, yet vulnerable. She knew how to work the "farang" (tourists) on the street, but that didn't really diminish her innocence. Anyone who saw her would be charmed, naturally. I have no children, but if I had a daughter I think I'd like it if she were like Ban.

Now she's dead. My darling little Ban was killed in a street accident. I wish I had tried to get her adopted over here. I wish I had tried to do it myself. I failed her.

I understand that there is only so much I could have done, yet I wish I had done more. What else can I say? Rest well, little one. You changed my life and I promise to help other children like you.