ragefilledmuffin

Meh. Its time for new friends.

Update now that I'm awake:
I went out last night for a belated birthday celebration for my so-called best friend. Yeah the same friend whose jackass boy I want to kick in the head. Jackass organized the whole thing, to the best of his ability. I played nice all week, being helpful, providing him with phone numbers, etc.
Big day comes, Miss B-day is surprised. We all hang at Jackass's for a bit then proceed to carpool to a town about an hour or so away, for the sole purpose of going to Hooters (yes this was Miss B-day's idea). Cool, because I ride sepately from the offending boy. We get there and get horrendous service, to the point that our entire table of 7 doesn't tip the so-called waitress/Hooters girl. The other table got mediocre srvice from a second waitress. The two tables however, barely converse with one another. My table involved myself, dustin, and four co-workers. Table two had B-day girl, Jackass, an older couple, out of town friend of b-day girl, b-day's sister and her date, and the long time third best friend of b-day and I. This girl's boyfriend also came but basically abandoned everyone because no one was giving him room to sit or listen to him. He went to the bar alone and eventually Dustin went to talk to him for awhile. Meanwhile, Jackass asks us all about three times during dinner to give him money to pay for B-day girls dinner and a tee shirt. Okay, we get it, you don't want to buy your girl dinner. Plus, he started basiscally demanding that we all give him money to buy her drinks throughout the night. I'm sorry, but if I want to buy my friend a drink, I'll do it myself. I don't need some Jackass to dictate the entire night. I'm not trying to be cheap, I just hate being asked over and over for money--I mean, seriously, buck up and buy your girlfriend's dinner. Everyone else will pretty naturally buy her drinks later on, we don't need to be micro-managed by some unorganized control freak who wants to look like "the man" by buying drinks all night. Yeah, I still don't like this douchebag--I think its beyond hope that I ever will.
Anyway, we leave Hooters to go to a local pub/karaoke place. Its packed and again, we are at two separate tables, but this time, at opposite ends of the bar. My table gets annoyed with this bar and leaves, goes to another local sports bar/dance club, which b-day girl had said we'd all go to later. It also sucks, so we decide to pack it up at midnight and drive back home. None of us even cares to go find the others to tell them bye.

So I'm left with the feeling that I am not even friends with the people at the "other table". People who I used to hang out with several times per week, girls I've shared beds, meds, and advice with. I just feel like some kind of emotional wall is between us and I really feel like its mostly my fault. But I don't want to change myself to be accepted by them. I guess I feel like I've moved on to new things or something.
Its a little depressing. But at the same time, the new friends I was hanging out with are fun, caring people who seem to be much more my speed these days. I know change is inevitable, but feeling like you are losing your best friends still sucks.

I've rambled on a lot, because I don't quite get it all. Someone tell me they've been through this before. Where you still love your best friends but you don't want to hang out with them anymore.