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ragefilledmuffin

somewhere, Michigan

Member Since 2004

Followers 116 Following 107

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Wednesday Jul 13, 2005

Jul 13, 2005
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So its back to work today. *sigh*

I haven't heard a word from the party destroyers yet. I don't really care but its pretty rude to not even give me a call and say hey, we made it home safely.
I'm faced with the dilemma now of how bitchy I want to be and to what extent I am going to cut my former best friend out of my life. I don't really have anything against her, but I can't stand to be around her boyfriend and I don't enjoy being around her when he is present. I know its pretty much impossible to say "hey, I hate your boyfriend and I refuse to be around him, but I still wanna hang out with you." She'll flip out and refuse to talk to me, other than to tell me that I am the problem (we've had issues before and that was what I was told). My main thing right now is that her birthday is about a month away and she was planning an all-girl sleepover. I'd love to be a part of that. But she and the evil boy also talked about accompanying us to Warped at the end of this month--that I won't do. I cannot tolerate him on a road trip or in an outdoor concert setting. Its not even his type of music, but of course, he can't let her do anything if he isn't there. The bastard used to show up and put a damper on our girls scrapbooking, girly movie and pizza nights.
Basically, I am done with him. I have to be civil to him at work since we have to interact to some extent while at work. But in general, I just am not going to talk to him.
I don't know how to deal with her. I can't be honest with her because it'll just end in a huge dramatic fight where she tries to make me look like the bad girl to our mutual friends (been there). I am prepared to lose a couple of those mutual friends because I know they'll take her side--they knew her first. I really don't feel like most of my friends are true friends anyway--they are just people who call each other friends and invite each other to theor parties to maintain a semblance of having a life.

I've been thinking a lot about all of this the past few days and it hurts me to admit that the part of life they occupied is over. I've grown past them I guess. At least, I've grown past the games and the rigid set of rules I have to follow to be one of them. I do have a few true friends--friends who will tell me if I am being a dumbass and who will tell me when they think I am doing the right thing, friends who don't let jealousy taint their happiness for me when things are going right and who don't try to manipulate me when I am down.
The whole thing has forced me question whether I like where I am at in life and the answeris that I am not satisfied. I need to be doing more than working retail. There is nothing wrong with retail--it pays the bills and someone's gotta do it, but I have an education and I used to have goals and dreams that went so far beyond this. I convinced myself that I was conent because I have stability and comfort but I still want more. I need to go to grad school--my four year degree isn't helping me in my pursuit of meaningful employment. I am actually looking into fulfilling my teenage dream of going to law school--I'm not sure if I can get in but I am looking into it. I am also still considering psychology and counseling. I am giving myself the next year to get a plan together and to change my life. Amazing that losing a friendship motivated all of this in my head.
VIEW 15 of 15 COMMENTS
addlepatedwight:
Jul 16, 2005
maddog_hoek:
I hate having to leave friends behind b/c of others. I vote for give it to her straight. That way, if at some point she doesn't like what she's become, she can apologize for being lame and re-enter your life.
Jul 16, 2005

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