Tomorrow, Friday the 13th, is Free Frosty Day at Wendys. Go get one!! Yum!! Chocolate.
Work has been craziness--so many people have left and there aren't enough left to cover everything. Last night was monstrous--everyone after 5:00 had overtime. Apparently, there was no one to call in because everyone has 40 hours. Wish me luck that tonight will be better. I had one 20 minute break in 8 hours and 18 minutes.
I need to find something to look forward to. I had so much in April and now, nothing. I want to do something.
I need to find out more about the job I mentioned in my last entry. It would be awesome if I got it.
I'm off to get ready for work and find more suitable food than the tortellini I attempted to unthaw.
Work has been craziness--so many people have left and there aren't enough left to cover everything. Last night was monstrous--everyone after 5:00 had overtime. Apparently, there was no one to call in because everyone has 40 hours. Wish me luck that tonight will be better. I had one 20 minute break in 8 hours and 18 minutes.
I need to find something to look forward to. I had so much in April and now, nothing. I want to do something.
I need to find out more about the job I mentioned in my last entry. It would be awesome if I got it.
I'm off to get ready for work and find more suitable food than the tortellini I attempted to unthaw.
VIEW 9 of 9 COMMENTS
In a nutshell, most of the criticism I mentioned came toward the end... just as she had finally made some big breakthroughs, and her breakthroughs were panicking me, because they meant -- in my own mind, anyway -- that she woudn't need me anymore... but I needed her.
In a period of six months, my brother hanged himself to death in an abandoned watertower, my adoptive father died, and then came all that mess (I'm sure you've heard) with my grandmother sick, dying, funeral, selling the house, moving across the country, etc.
I was freaked out, completely crazy from the stress, and couldn't do it alone, so like a dumbass I go and start toxically destroying the self-esteem of the woman I love most so she would think she hadn't made any progress, and couldn't be independent (and thus, leave me alone with all that stuff I couldn't cope with). Conversely, I had spent much of the first 2-1/2 years of our relationship trying to build up her self-esteem and make her get to the very point -- healthy self-esteem, confidence, independence -- that started to panic me.
Naturally, that only convinced her that she had to leave the toxicity behind. So, here's the kicker --- by the time the stress was over and I caught up with her in getting better, and was ready to move on to a healthier new life with her, it was too late. I had poisoned everything.
We have done a good deal of talking in the past few days, and we can probably remain friends, but I know that she'll never love me again, and all I can do about that is blame myself.
[Edited on May 13, 2005 11:49PM]