So i had court today.
I scheduled a continuance which will be in April. Maybe I'll pull the money out of my ass for a lawyer by then. Or join a traveling circus.
So they didn't charge me with the 'expired insurance'. which is good. but I do have
* Speeding
* Operating vehicle without valid tag
*DUI-Alchohol-less safe (wtf's that shit. haha)
*DUI under 21
I'm fucked. but on the plus side...
+++ my new court date is at 9 in the morning instead of 8:30
I'm getting pretty good at this being positive concept and yet somehow I feel as though I'm missing something here.
It took me three hours to walk home. Technically I didnt walk all the way though. I hitched a ride with two mexicans when I got close to home. I still can't really bend my legs though.
I also contemplated jumping in the Chata however you spell it river. It just looked inviting. but then I realized I shouldn't alway follow my brilliant "spur of the moment" ideas. They're usually not too brilliant.
I'm not pregnant. That's good. Not that I was worried for a real valid reason but one time after I had my son I swore I was pregnant again even though I hadn't had sex in over a year. Then I thought about it and realized thatI hadn't had sex in over a year. So then I convinced myself that maybe I just forgot I had sex or something. It was really weird.
Arthur (roomate) laughed at me when he got home from work. He was confused by my hair. It's all blonde/yellow/orange. It didnt bleach all the way because Mr. I dont know what I want came over while I was in the middle of dying it so I lost track of time. So now I look like one of those melted creamsicles. but not as cool. It's not too bad really. It's pretty suttle. Looks closer to my natural hair color. I still feel like bleaching it. Till it's so white it hurts peoples eyes. I noticed I've been fucking with my hair alot when I get bored. I did that Sept '03. My hair was waaay past my ass and I up and cut it to my head one day. Everyone was mad but I said "it's cool.. I gave it to the cancer kids" I think they were just confused. Maybe by the way I stated it. I'm still not sure.
I went to look for a job today. Then I slept till 12 am then I made Arthur take me for a Jeff Buckley drive. It's my therapy. It really does help alot and I've been needing to belt it out for the past few days. Especially since I can't get any from my now questionable status boyfriend.
I've been thinking alot about my son. Not that I don't always. Just about how big he is now. Also about how I wish to god he's nothing like me or his y factor. So far I think he'll be fine. My son is extremely smart. He is alot smarter than most babies/toddlers his age. Since he was born he's shown signs of serious intelligence. Which is amazing considering it all. I was very healthy when I was pregnant with him and was by his side every minute since he was born (before I moved up here) so I'm sure that has alot to do with it. He has a thing for electronics too. He doesn't care too much for stuff that's geared towards his age. He likes books alot now too. He loves to be around my dad and brother and looks up to them. Which is good since he might pick up their better habits like building/remodling cars and computers and sports and the such. He's very fiery and independent. He's been that way since he was born. I sort of new he would be by the pregnancy. That's why one reason I gave him the middle name Aiden. Yet he's extremely affectionate and is a big mommas boy. He's just perfect really. I couldnt ask for more and yet I do sometimes. Why I dont know. It's just scary knowing I'm what he has to look up to as a parent. I guess it's definitely a good thing my parents have him right now. Yet it's been since I've been without him that I've been so irresponsible. It's as if I don't know what to do with myself now. That's exactly it.
Right now I really really want to hitch a ride. I want to take off and leave this all behind. This whole life. Normally that's what I would do. Dana (my other mom) calls me a rolling stone. she gave me some talk about how I dont want to be a rolling stone the rest of my life. I do but I dont. Right now in this moment I do. But in the bigger scheme I dont but in the bigger scheme then that I do. It's all layered. like one of those jawbreakers.
In the morning I'm going to go get a job. for reals this time. I couldnt really do much this evening since I didnt get home till 12 and I was layed out for awhile then I was layed out from the excruting pain that is my period.
I think I posted something about my yahoo picture album. dont think anyone knows what the hell i'm talking about. i dont either. screw it.
I scheduled a continuance which will be in April. Maybe I'll pull the money out of my ass for a lawyer by then. Or join a traveling circus.
So they didn't charge me with the 'expired insurance'. which is good. but I do have
* Speeding
* Operating vehicle without valid tag
*DUI-Alchohol-less safe (wtf's that shit. haha)
*DUI under 21
I'm fucked. but on the plus side...
+++ my new court date is at 9 in the morning instead of 8:30
I'm getting pretty good at this being positive concept and yet somehow I feel as though I'm missing something here.
It took me three hours to walk home. Technically I didnt walk all the way though. I hitched a ride with two mexicans when I got close to home. I still can't really bend my legs though.
I also contemplated jumping in the Chata however you spell it river. It just looked inviting. but then I realized I shouldn't alway follow my brilliant "spur of the moment" ideas. They're usually not too brilliant.
I'm not pregnant. That's good. Not that I was worried for a real valid reason but one time after I had my son I swore I was pregnant again even though I hadn't had sex in over a year. Then I thought about it and realized thatI hadn't had sex in over a year. So then I convinced myself that maybe I just forgot I had sex or something. It was really weird.
Arthur (roomate) laughed at me when he got home from work. He was confused by my hair. It's all blonde/yellow/orange. It didnt bleach all the way because Mr. I dont know what I want came over while I was in the middle of dying it so I lost track of time. So now I look like one of those melted creamsicles. but not as cool. It's not too bad really. It's pretty suttle. Looks closer to my natural hair color. I still feel like bleaching it. Till it's so white it hurts peoples eyes. I noticed I've been fucking with my hair alot when I get bored. I did that Sept '03. My hair was waaay past my ass and I up and cut it to my head one day. Everyone was mad but I said "it's cool.. I gave it to the cancer kids" I think they were just confused. Maybe by the way I stated it. I'm still not sure.
I went to look for a job today. Then I slept till 12 am then I made Arthur take me for a Jeff Buckley drive. It's my therapy. It really does help alot and I've been needing to belt it out for the past few days. Especially since I can't get any from my now questionable status boyfriend.
I've been thinking alot about my son. Not that I don't always. Just about how big he is now. Also about how I wish to god he's nothing like me or his y factor. So far I think he'll be fine. My son is extremely smart. He is alot smarter than most babies/toddlers his age. Since he was born he's shown signs of serious intelligence. Which is amazing considering it all. I was very healthy when I was pregnant with him and was by his side every minute since he was born (before I moved up here) so I'm sure that has alot to do with it. He has a thing for electronics too. He doesn't care too much for stuff that's geared towards his age. He likes books alot now too. He loves to be around my dad and brother and looks up to them. Which is good since he might pick up their better habits like building/remodling cars and computers and sports and the such. He's very fiery and independent. He's been that way since he was born. I sort of new he would be by the pregnancy. That's why one reason I gave him the middle name Aiden. Yet he's extremely affectionate and is a big mommas boy. He's just perfect really. I couldnt ask for more and yet I do sometimes. Why I dont know. It's just scary knowing I'm what he has to look up to as a parent. I guess it's definitely a good thing my parents have him right now. Yet it's been since I've been without him that I've been so irresponsible. It's as if I don't know what to do with myself now. That's exactly it.
Right now I really really want to hitch a ride. I want to take off and leave this all behind. This whole life. Normally that's what I would do. Dana (my other mom) calls me a rolling stone. she gave me some talk about how I dont want to be a rolling stone the rest of my life. I do but I dont. Right now in this moment I do. But in the bigger scheme I dont but in the bigger scheme then that I do. It's all layered. like one of those jawbreakers.
In the morning I'm going to go get a job. for reals this time. I couldnt really do much this evening since I didnt get home till 12 and I was layed out for awhile then I was layed out from the excruting pain that is my period.
I think I posted something about my yahoo picture album. dont think anyone knows what the hell i'm talking about. i dont either. screw it.