raffertie

so, when I get really tired, i tend to hallucinate.
I could be in the middle of a conversation with someone and then Ill think they said something they didnt or not hear them or something like that.
this happened last night.
I dont remember what i thought Alex said but for some reason it made perfect sense for me to tell him that i was going to 'poop on his batmobile.'
In the work world...
I need to find a new job soon.
I do like the people I work with and it isnt a hard job, I just feel like I go on autopilot. There is absolutely nothing about my job that allows me to be creative. People bring me a shoe, I grab their size, give it to them, they try it. then I ring them up (maybe). That's it. the most creative thing I get to go is arrange the displays on the table.
Some days I think about playing hookey and going down to state street to become a street performer. I'll dress up and drag my keyboard down there and just play and sing until I couldnt talk anymore. (which reminds me that i need to have someone tune my piano...). I just dont feel that the mind-numbing 8 hours I put in everyday isnt worth it anymore. Maybe I'll transfer to cosmetics. That way I'll at least get to do makeup all day. I think that would be fun. But this dilemma with work has got me thinking about what I want to do in the future. I cant see myself working in an office at a desk, or anything with computers. Maybe I should record some of the songs I've written and post them on here.
I just do not have a sense of being myself anymore.
I feel like I'm melting into everyone else. With my blond hair and conservative work clothes. This is part of the reason I shaved my eyebrows and am dying my hair.
I think i've written enough for now. I promised Alex I'd teach him how to play guitar and he is impatient to learn.