heyy all. sorry i`ve been a little MIA here on SG. haven`t done much other than post pix on IG which shares over here.
sorry @rambo && @missy for missing so many blog homeworks. it`s hard for me to do some of them sometimes because i don`t have anything to contribute...i`m not quite as well-rounded as a lot of girls are on here with their music&&creativity.
i haven`t been quite myself for the last month or so. @vorpal had suggested that hopefuls blog&&such more on SG rather than just stay on IG..so i guess now is as good a time as any to just let go for a bit.
i started this job that i have been working so hard for in the beginning of june with the knowledge that it was a very temporary job. i love working there. every morning i wake up wanting to be there. but then i started getting news that it was only going to last for the month. &&i started getting anxiety attacks every single day from then on. there will be moments when i`m enjoying a movie with my fiancé..&&the next second i would be crying hysterically. there would be times where i just start panicking. there would be days when i`m ohkay one second..&&the next i would be extremely upset&&angry. through this whole time i never wanted anything more than to just give up on everything in my life..including my life. in the beginning of july..i realized that i would still be employed until next june. but my hours would be cut back as i wouldn't be needed as much. this made me feel better..but i was still having anxiety. not as extreme. but i was still uncomfortable with something in my life. recently..after discussing how i feel to a coworker..we realized that some of the recent anxiety might not be anxiety..but rather aFib - atrial fibrillation..which is a hereditary heart condition. it`s basically irregular heartbeat. it`s dangerous to those who have blood clots because the rapid irregular heartbeats would push a clot through a vessel&&lead to a heart attack. it`s also difficult for doctors to catch because you need to be having these irregularities right THEN AND THERE at the doctor`s office for them to run tests&&diagnose you. for those of you who know..i`ve already had to deal with one hereditary disease - my mom had cancer..&&so did i. so i guess i wasn't too surprised when i heard that i had inherited another illness.
i`ve been so lucky to have my love to support me through my anxiety&&mood swings&&possibly-new-found-illness. he`s been so patient with me. i hope that i don`t tire him out too much&&one day he leaves....that`ll be the day that i lose all support that i have.
anyway..thank you all for being here for me at one point or another. hope you all have a wonderful day :)
