was meditating this am and thought how amazing it is that I must be choosing my reality moment-by-moment. For about three years in a sporadic half-assed way I've been following a practice described by Sri Nisargadatta Maharaj in the book I Am That...of returning again and again to the feeling of "I am", which I see as similar to the Zen practice of asking "Who am I?"
But it's just amazing how little of myself I'm really aware of besides a string of thoughts and up-and-down feelings. Whenever I stop to find something permanent in myself I find nothing, but it gives me a chance to notice how ever-changing all the things that feel important to me are.
Even then I find some silence as I'm meditating, thoughts, memories or plans come flooding back from nowhere, I have no idea what this all-important personhood emerges from.
sporadic half-assed way
geez, you've just described my own practice!
It seems that lately, I've been putting off incorporating the activities that I should be doing into daily life. There is always something that I can find to put the blame on for that. But really its just my own fault.
your entry has provided me with some motivation... thanks