As anyone who has been reading my journal entrys over the last few weeks, you would know that i have been battling my depression and schizophrenia rather harshly. At the start of this week, things finally started to turn. Life seemed a little brighter and there seemed to be more color in the world. Basicly, things were getting good. Not after tonight...
Now that i have brushed the bile and stomach acid out of my mouth, i am able to sit down and write.
My friend here on SG (who shall remain nameless) and myself were going to hang out thursday We had everything planed out. There was going to be ice cream, and pictures, and parks. Just all around fun. Well, long story short.... her other half did not agree completly with us hanging out alone, which i can understand. He seemed, from my point of view, over protective of her. I can to a degree, agree with his opinion. She is a great person and worth fighting for. But about after an hour of arguing, some things were said that were taken the wrong way. And in the end, i feel that i have lost a good friend. This is the type of person that you could talk with about any subject, and have a real in depth conversation. I have only cried over a female at one other point in my life, and that was my ex-girlfriend when she broke up with me after 2 years of dating.
I have been sick to the point of throwing up, i have cried to the point where i have no more tears left. I can not get the adrenelin in my blood to run thin. My left hand will not stop shaking. I am depressed to the point where meds are pointless. And i can not get to sleep. I am going to run a few laps around the track in the local park. I need to do something to take my mind off this subject and i stopped cutting when i was in the 9th grade. My self esteem and morale will be destroyed for the next week or two. i am not looking forward to this.
I am now going to spend my day off this week in atlantic city. I have nothing better to do.
I'm so sorry dear
~matt~
Now that i have brushed the bile and stomach acid out of my mouth, i am able to sit down and write.
My friend here on SG (who shall remain nameless) and myself were going to hang out thursday We had everything planed out. There was going to be ice cream, and pictures, and parks. Just all around fun. Well, long story short.... her other half did not agree completly with us hanging out alone, which i can understand. He seemed, from my point of view, over protective of her. I can to a degree, agree with his opinion. She is a great person and worth fighting for. But about after an hour of arguing, some things were said that were taken the wrong way. And in the end, i feel that i have lost a good friend. This is the type of person that you could talk with about any subject, and have a real in depth conversation. I have only cried over a female at one other point in my life, and that was my ex-girlfriend when she broke up with me after 2 years of dating.
I have been sick to the point of throwing up, i have cried to the point where i have no more tears left. I can not get the adrenelin in my blood to run thin. My left hand will not stop shaking. I am depressed to the point where meds are pointless. And i can not get to sleep. I am going to run a few laps around the track in the local park. I need to do something to take my mind off this subject and i stopped cutting when i was in the 9th grade. My self esteem and morale will be destroyed for the next week or two. i am not looking forward to this.
I am now going to spend my day off this week in atlantic city. I have nothing better to do.
I'm so sorry dear
~matt~