radii

Arrrrrgh.... I'm getting that feeling again where I wanna go through all my stuff and throw shit away again. Grrrr and I'm totally feeling like saying Fuck it and only worrying about my painting class. I know full well that my grades in my other classes are poor and that it is my own fault but I'm just tired of school and I'm tired of scholarships paying for me to be stressed out and not take in anything I'm learning, I mean what the fuck is the point of this?! To maybe get a job that I think I'll like?! The longest I've ever had a job is two years and that's because I get bored with what I'm doing or I get sick of the management. I don't care how much I love a job eventually I'll get bored and want to do something else, it's how I am-- work at a place learn all you can, be great at it, and then move on. So after I get my associates degree.... I honestly don't feel 100% about going to ECU I mean they don't even offer a degree in what I want to do, I'd have to go to fraking Maryland or north Virginia for that and I think I'll pass on that.

So here I find myself, again, not know what I plan to do... maybe I'm over planning my shit out, I kinda feel like mebbe I am. That mebbe I should just focus on going to Pitt and then figure it out after I'm done there. I think that's what I'm going to do. Now my problem is dealing with the end of this semester... it's not in my nature to give up but I'm just so damn tired of it all, I really don't even care anymore. I. DO. NOT. CARE. in the slightest about this semester and mebbe that's terribly lazy of me and it prolly is but the need to not think and just exist for awhile is really strong, and by that I don't mean not thinking about my usual philosophical and deep thought, I mean thinking about school work and how much of a life I don't have.

Blargh I'm being terribly whiny and I'm sorry, I'm just in a mood and this blog serves as a good outlet that I'm not directing towards anyone.

My room feels like a total wreck.... and it's affecting me. I just want to remove everything and just be in an empty space with just a bed, and a plain white blanket and plain white pillows. I wouldn't want it that way for a long time maybe for like 3 days or so.

I wish I had something to talk about other than my bitching rant...

mmm so I guess I'm not going to Heroes con since my lovely wife Sirkka is moving out West! Which makes going to Neko Con a definite yes! Which means that I need to finish my rave outfit and put together a cosplay and I dunno who I should cosplay! I don't really like wearing wigs so I always want someone with orange hair.... anyone have any suggestions??? I'd love to do Felicia from Dark Stalkers but it's too cold in Nov. and my boobs aren't big enough, that's prolly the only cosplay I'd wear a wig for lol. I'm thinkin Lethe from Fire Emblem Path of Radiance, Oerba Dia Vanille from Final Fantasy XIII, or Etna from Disgaea. Those are the best I can come up with... I'm taking any suggestions!