*********Warning, this may turn into a long entry***
When I was in Junior high, mostly from letter 8th grade, through 9th, and all of 10tg, I used to steal from people. For me to come out and write this down, its kinda wierd, but I think I need a cathartic experience right now, lets see if this helps or not...
I wouldnt steal items, it was always money, I was raised a single child, and not really spoiled, but I wasnt taught the value of a dollar either, I think that at some point, for some reason or another, I got it into my head that I needed money all the fucking time.
My best friend in JH broke into my neighbors apartment, the first time, he took a video camera, and somthing else, which he kept, I really didnt want to have anything to do with it at all. The second time though, he stole a huge jar that had like almost 200 dollars in change in it, me and my 2 friends sat around for like 3 hours making coin rolls to turn in for cash, and I think that that is where it all started...
That was 9th grade actually, now that I think about it, I really dont remember doing anything in 8th.
After that, I didnt do much of anything, i got busted at kmart for petty shoplifiting, and sometime around there, me and a friend called in a bomb threat at the school, (I provided the 20 cents, he called it in).
10th grade was a different matter altogether. I moved from Burbank to HOLLYWOOD, can you imagine what that was like, I mean here was this kid, from Colorado, who moved to the movie capitol of the world, with the freaks and all, I was in fucking heaven, up until that point, I had been sorta practicing in the mormon church, but that all went out the fucking windoe right away I tell you what....
Hollywood High, the best fucking years of my life, I can still remember my first day like it was yesterday, I met one of my oldest friends that day, and was loving life like you wouldnt believe..
My 10th grade science teacher, took a leave of absence the second semester, due to the fact that she was going to have a child, so for 3 months, we had substitute teachers.
The first month, I had the LAPD detectives unit at my house, looking for a master room key, that was stolen from the first teacher we had. The searched my room, and still managed to miss the fucking key that was plainly in site, in a box on my headboard, it promplty got thrown out the window after they left, even though I had no intentions of using it, I still took it.
Same class, some poor student got their chocolate money stolen from a cubbord, on top of the chocolate bars, those I ate, or gave away.
The second teacher got 60 buck stolen out of his jacket pocket, where he kept his wallet, on the chair that for some reason I cant remeber why I was sitting at up front facing the class. The next day, after promising that he wouldnt turn the person in, asked if they would return it, all the while looking at me.
I stole 80 bucks from my best friend at the times parents, dont ask me why, cause Ill just say to all of it, cause it was there to steal.
My mom managed the same complex that she built 2 years before, and one night, her and bunch of people were partying, and me and the 2 friends from JH were on the roof, when an M-80 Firecracker came flying over head, off the roof, where it proceeded to explode about 10 feet from us as it was falling to the ground below. Shortly thereafter, I went down to the party, and stole 20 bucks off the desk, right in front of 10 people, who I was facing and talking too at the same time.
I used to walk a dog for one of the tenants, she would pay me by the atm card that was in here junk drawer, she gave me the pin and all, and there was a couple times that I went and got money out of her account, without her knowing it before hand.
We had a house guest for a bit, and the first night that she was there, I stole 10 bucks out of her purse, the last 10 bucks that were in there, got confronted on that one too, to which I hardly denied.
On top of all this, for the most part my mom would give me 10 to 20 bucks a day to go to school with, go figure..
We moved back to Colorado, the last month of tenth grade, for 4 months, then back to Hollywood, where we moved in 5 building down, from the one that we lived at before.
I cleaned up my act after that, I guess that you could say that my belief system changed, Karma was starting to become my ruling force, she hadnt come back and slapped me in the face yet, but she showed me that she was there..
I dont think that I have ever really forgiven myself for all of this, and I think that today, it has a direct relation to my inability to save money, and get my shit together financially.
Last year, I was clearing almost 1600 dollars a month, I had about 400 dollars in bill, including rent, and I was still living pay check to pay check.
I think that admitting all this, writing it down might help, its kinda like doing the 12 steps in AA, admitting it, forgiving yourself, and moving on.
Most of the Time-Bob Dylan
Most of the time
I'm clear focused all around,
Most of the time
I can keep both feet on the ground,
I can follow the path, I can read the signs,
Stay right with it, when the road unwinds,
I can handle whatever I stumble upon,
I don't even notice she's gone,
Most of the time.
Most of the time
It's well understood,
Most of the time
I wouldn't change it if I could,
I can't make it all match up, I can hold my own,
I can deal with the situation right down to the bone,
I can survive, I can endure
And I don't even think about her
Most of the time.
Most of the time
My head is on straight,
Most of the time
I'm strong enough not to hate.
I don't build up illusion 'till it makes me sick,
I ain't afraid of confusion no matter how thick
I can smile in the face of mankind.
Don't even remember what her lips felt like on mine
Most of the time.
Most of the time
She ain't even in my mind,
I wouldn't know her if I saw her
She's that far behind.
Most of the time
I can't even be sure
If she was ever with me
Or if I was with her.
Most of the time
I'm halfway content,
Most of the time
I know exactly where I went,
I don't cheat on myself, I don't run and hide,
Hide from the feelings, that are buried inside,
I don't compromised and I don't pretend,
I don't even care if I ever see her again
Most of the time.
When I was in Junior high, mostly from letter 8th grade, through 9th, and all of 10tg, I used to steal from people. For me to come out and write this down, its kinda wierd, but I think I need a cathartic experience right now, lets see if this helps or not...
I wouldnt steal items, it was always money, I was raised a single child, and not really spoiled, but I wasnt taught the value of a dollar either, I think that at some point, for some reason or another, I got it into my head that I needed money all the fucking time.
My best friend in JH broke into my neighbors apartment, the first time, he took a video camera, and somthing else, which he kept, I really didnt want to have anything to do with it at all. The second time though, he stole a huge jar that had like almost 200 dollars in change in it, me and my 2 friends sat around for like 3 hours making coin rolls to turn in for cash, and I think that that is where it all started...
That was 9th grade actually, now that I think about it, I really dont remember doing anything in 8th.
After that, I didnt do much of anything, i got busted at kmart for petty shoplifiting, and sometime around there, me and a friend called in a bomb threat at the school, (I provided the 20 cents, he called it in).
10th grade was a different matter altogether. I moved from Burbank to HOLLYWOOD, can you imagine what that was like, I mean here was this kid, from Colorado, who moved to the movie capitol of the world, with the freaks and all, I was in fucking heaven, up until that point, I had been sorta practicing in the mormon church, but that all went out the fucking windoe right away I tell you what....
Hollywood High, the best fucking years of my life, I can still remember my first day like it was yesterday, I met one of my oldest friends that day, and was loving life like you wouldnt believe..
My 10th grade science teacher, took a leave of absence the second semester, due to the fact that she was going to have a child, so for 3 months, we had substitute teachers.
The first month, I had the LAPD detectives unit at my house, looking for a master room key, that was stolen from the first teacher we had. The searched my room, and still managed to miss the fucking key that was plainly in site, in a box on my headboard, it promplty got thrown out the window after they left, even though I had no intentions of using it, I still took it.
Same class, some poor student got their chocolate money stolen from a cubbord, on top of the chocolate bars, those I ate, or gave away.
The second teacher got 60 buck stolen out of his jacket pocket, where he kept his wallet, on the chair that for some reason I cant remeber why I was sitting at up front facing the class. The next day, after promising that he wouldnt turn the person in, asked if they would return it, all the while looking at me.
I stole 80 bucks from my best friend at the times parents, dont ask me why, cause Ill just say to all of it, cause it was there to steal.
My mom managed the same complex that she built 2 years before, and one night, her and bunch of people were partying, and me and the 2 friends from JH were on the roof, when an M-80 Firecracker came flying over head, off the roof, where it proceeded to explode about 10 feet from us as it was falling to the ground below. Shortly thereafter, I went down to the party, and stole 20 bucks off the desk, right in front of 10 people, who I was facing and talking too at the same time.
I used to walk a dog for one of the tenants, she would pay me by the atm card that was in here junk drawer, she gave me the pin and all, and there was a couple times that I went and got money out of her account, without her knowing it before hand.
We had a house guest for a bit, and the first night that she was there, I stole 10 bucks out of her purse, the last 10 bucks that were in there, got confronted on that one too, to which I hardly denied.
On top of all this, for the most part my mom would give me 10 to 20 bucks a day to go to school with, go figure..
We moved back to Colorado, the last month of tenth grade, for 4 months, then back to Hollywood, where we moved in 5 building down, from the one that we lived at before.
I cleaned up my act after that, I guess that you could say that my belief system changed, Karma was starting to become my ruling force, she hadnt come back and slapped me in the face yet, but she showed me that she was there..
I dont think that I have ever really forgiven myself for all of this, and I think that today, it has a direct relation to my inability to save money, and get my shit together financially.
Last year, I was clearing almost 1600 dollars a month, I had about 400 dollars in bill, including rent, and I was still living pay check to pay check.
I think that admitting all this, writing it down might help, its kinda like doing the 12 steps in AA, admitting it, forgiving yourself, and moving on.
Most of the Time-Bob Dylan
Most of the time
I'm clear focused all around,
Most of the time
I can keep both feet on the ground,
I can follow the path, I can read the signs,
Stay right with it, when the road unwinds,
I can handle whatever I stumble upon,
I don't even notice she's gone,
Most of the time.
Most of the time
It's well understood,
Most of the time
I wouldn't change it if I could,
I can't make it all match up, I can hold my own,
I can deal with the situation right down to the bone,
I can survive, I can endure
And I don't even think about her
Most of the time.
Most of the time
My head is on straight,
Most of the time
I'm strong enough not to hate.
I don't build up illusion 'till it makes me sick,
I ain't afraid of confusion no matter how thick
I can smile in the face of mankind.
Don't even remember what her lips felt like on mine
Most of the time.
Most of the time
She ain't even in my mind,
I wouldn't know her if I saw her
She's that far behind.
Most of the time
I can't even be sure
If she was ever with me
Or if I was with her.
Most of the time
I'm halfway content,
Most of the time
I know exactly where I went,
I don't cheat on myself, I don't run and hide,
Hide from the feelings, that are buried inside,
I don't compromised and I don't pretend,
I don't even care if I ever see her again
Most of the time.
VIEW 8 of 8 COMMENTS
I had been hoping to get to know more of the SG people in CO, but this summer has become mostly work time. But then again I hope not to lose touch even more with the CO folks once I'm gone.