*Warning. The following journal is a self-indulgent depressed mess. So if you don't wanna read it, don't. I don;t expect any happy comments with references to solidarity, just somewhere to vent. So beware. You HAVE been warned.*
Today I went shopping with my Mum and Dad. Dad came because I'm feeling fluish and was worried about hauling the wheelchair around.
After Winner's, I went to Fabricland and promptly lost Mum and Dad. My hazy head pounded and I made a few trips back and forth from the car to a bench outside Fabricland. Finally Dad pushed Mum into my line of vision; they had been roaming the card shops instead of buying dental floss as premeditated.
Finally we got home and I was told "not to look into the card bag", as there was a Xmas present in it for me.
I don't care about presents, my head hurts and I want my mommy back. I've noticed lately that her mind is increasingly effected by her disease - and it's so frustrating. I have all these puzzle pieces about what Mum used to be like, but until I figure them out (if I ever do), I have to keep tiptoeing around and pretending everything is fine. Like I don't notice how she's deteriorated.
Sorry about the bitchy little journal; I'm sure that after a nap/ cup of coffee, I'll be back to my normal "happy-go-lucky-self". But fuck it... I'm sick to death of trying to be the perfect daughter, be true to myself, all while dealing drugs to Mommy. I suppose this is why going away to school is looking so appetizing right now... It's easier to handle while I'm away (but then again, coming home is the worst).
Alright, looks like I should go make some dinner and drown any sorrows I may have in perogies.
I do love me some perogies.
Tomorrow is the fetish show, party time and I wil have a lovely time. Until then - mope, mope, mope.
Today I went shopping with my Mum and Dad. Dad came because I'm feeling fluish and was worried about hauling the wheelchair around.
After Winner's, I went to Fabricland and promptly lost Mum and Dad. My hazy head pounded and I made a few trips back and forth from the car to a bench outside Fabricland. Finally Dad pushed Mum into my line of vision; they had been roaming the card shops instead of buying dental floss as premeditated.
Finally we got home and I was told "not to look into the card bag", as there was a Xmas present in it for me.
I don't care about presents, my head hurts and I want my mommy back. I've noticed lately that her mind is increasingly effected by her disease - and it's so frustrating. I have all these puzzle pieces about what Mum used to be like, but until I figure them out (if I ever do), I have to keep tiptoeing around and pretending everything is fine. Like I don't notice how she's deteriorated.
Sorry about the bitchy little journal; I'm sure that after a nap/ cup of coffee, I'll be back to my normal "happy-go-lucky-self". But fuck it... I'm sick to death of trying to be the perfect daughter, be true to myself, all while dealing drugs to Mommy. I suppose this is why going away to school is looking so appetizing right now... It's easier to handle while I'm away (but then again, coming home is the worst).
Alright, looks like I should go make some dinner and drown any sorrows I may have in perogies.
I do love me some perogies.
Tomorrow is the fetish show, party time and I wil have a lovely time. Until then - mope, mope, mope.
VIEW 3 of 3 COMMENTS
mmm... perogies...
have fun tomorrow!
That is what makes you stay grounded and balanced. (At least it kinda works for me
Negative things happen to the good and the bad... the big difference I think is how the two factions handle it..
While I really do not know you well (yet) I can sense already you are a good person.
Therefore.
I know you will handle whatever knocks you get because it is a separating feature from the bad.
And it may not be fun... and it likely will be hard... and it may push you in directions you'd never steer yourself... but these moments of anxiety or "being upset" are so necessary and helpful.
I'm wishing you well!