Login
Forgot Password?

OR

Login with Google Login with Twitter Login with Facebook
  • Join
  • Profiles
  • Groups
  • SuicideGirls
  • Photos
  • Videos
  • Shop
Vital Stats

queen_

Illinois

Hopeful Since 2012

Followers 5599 Following 3086

  • Everything
  • Photos
  • Video
  • Blogs
  • Groups
  • From Others

Hi guys and dolls

Feb 9, 2014
14
  • Facebook
  • Tweet
  • Email

Hey loves!

I am trying SOOOOOOO hard to get better at blogging. I use to be so good at it with the old site but I have faltered when they made the switch. Any who, whose up for a quick update??

This past week was a tough one for me. My boyfriend took me to meet a therapist for my anorexia. It went... ok. I sat there told her how I felt, cried a little, got angry, and then left feeling numb and empty. I have the hardest time putting into words how anorexia makes me feel. It's so hard to describe that I am more comfortable with the feeling of hunger pains than I am with a full tummy. A full tummy makes me feel weak and out of control. Feeling hungry makes me feel powerful and in control (even though I am extremely weak).

They tried to get me to eat a full meal. I was able to finish 3 tacos but I felt like shit after. I hate this destructive monster. I hate not knowing how I let it get this bad. I hate the person it has created. And yet, I have no desire to change out of fear of being unloved, unwanted, and unappreciated. Pretty fucked up.

I know I need to see the therapist again in order to get better. I really don't want to. I know that if I don't the anger, irritability, and disease will eat away at me. I have never been this broken and disappointed in myself.

It's not all bad news tho. The therapist praised me for coming in and said that I am not past help. That made me feel a little bit better. She also told me to start being honest with myself, my friends, and my loved ones. She told me to stop hiding. So, I will. I have been telling family and friends that I am battling anorexia and it feels... good. Its kind of like calling the monster out. However, its kind of a pain in the ass because now everyone and their fucking mother feels the need to force feed me. NOT HELPING!!

Any who, Thank you everyone for helping me with this long and uber rocky road. There are a few things in life that still make me happy and give me hope. SG is one of them. You are all my second family and I love each and everyone of you unconditionally. I am ashamed of the monster inside of me and I am trying so hard not to let her show. I appreciate those of you who have PM'd me with words of encouragement and love. It silences Mz. Hyde (thats what I call her) and helps me recover that much faster.

I love you all.

XOXO

Q

VIEW 22 of 22 COMMENTS
scriptcalmly:
I'm really glad you're getting help, I hadn't seen stuff on Social Media from you for a bit so I checked on here and I'm glad I did. As long as you're willing to help yourself that is good. The road will be tough, but you have your b/f and friends and family to help support you. And if you ever need it I'd be happy to be a venting board or whatever if needed. Just make sure you get better!!
Feb 20, 2014
themainman:
I'm sorry to hear things got that bad, but I'm glad you're getting help. You're an incredibly beautiful, strong lady and I know you can survive anything. Always here for you if you need to chat or vent, take care my friend! *hugs*
Feb 28, 2014

More Blogs

  • 03.31.15
    11

    I don't know what to say

    I am honestly speechless and floored. 3 Months ago when I wrote my…
  • 12.20.14
    18

    The end is near...

    Hello loves, I wanted to take a quick moment to tell you all t…
  • 09.21.14
    9

    So, who wants to hear a little story?

    Hey Love Bugs! I am just the worst kind of person! I think it has be…
  • 05.31.14
    7

    Chelsea Chelsea I believe...

    Holy Hell do I have exciting news for all of Y-O-U!! Before…
  • 05.01.14
    17

    Well well well...

    Hello my Sweets! I hope you all have been doing well. These past…
  • 04.20.14
    9

    Oh! Do I have news for you!!

    HOPPY EASTER/4-20 LOVES!! I hope you all had a very high and epi…
  • 03.30.14
    25

    I should explain myself...

    Hello loves! As promised, here is the blog explaining where I ha…
  • 03.28.14
    8

    I'm back loves!!

    Hello loves! I'm back and oh how I've missed you. Longer blog to…
  • 02.09.14
    22

    Hi guys and dolls

    Hey loves! I am trying SOOOOOOO hard to get better at blogging. …
  • 01.21.14
    24

    Hello Loves

    Hi babes and Lovers, I am so sorry I have been away for so long.…

We at SuicideGirls have been celebrating alternative pin-up girls for:

24
years
1
month
18
days
  • 5,509,826 fans
  • 41,393 fans
  • 10,327,617 followers
  • 4,616 SuicideGirls
  • 1,113,818 followers
  • 14,995,005 photos
  • 321,315 followers
  • 61,568,679 comments
  • Join
  • Profiles
  • Groups
  • Photos
  • Videos
  • Shop
  • Help
  • About
  • Press
  • LIVE

Legal/Tos | DMCA | Privacy Policy | 18 U.S.C. 2257 Record-Keeping Requirements Compliance Statement | Complaint / Content Removal Policy | Contact Us | Vendo Payment Support
©SuicideGirls 2001-2025

Press enter to search
Fast Hi-res

Click here to join & see it all...

Crop your photo