dream of me
I feel horribe. I don't know why.
My heart hurts, and I feel this impending sense of doom. I'm worried about everything. I want it all and nothing anymore. How do people do this?
Open cabinet above bathroom sink w/my reflection disappearing and now I am a complete stranger capable of making sweet strange decisions. Nobody knows me anymore, and that's just fine. To be apart for so long that what used to be familiar breath is now just another new smell to learn.
And writing beneath the stars. Drunker than last Sat. that is just another regrettable blur. But back inside where the candy drops all around me. I scramble to sweep away any evidence--all in my mouth one by one, then two three four thru eight and soon lost count. God, it takes only seconds that pass like days before my mouth and tongue go numb and black and while I'm inside a dream w/in a dream is coming.
It's her I know-the girl I've dreamed of before-that carried me here as I sink into the ground that the rain has made so soft. I remember now my night of decadence.
I imagine a dark funeral, the stroke of midnight, and a preacher dressed like a clown. All are relaxed, and I look beautiful in disguise in my coffin w/my suit free of wrinkles and my hair slicked back. No tears are shed except those of joy and as my family watches my friends and neighbors play hopscotch and basketball on the very soil that is going to cover my body.
A funeral party complete w/trays of snacks and prizes for the guests.
What pool is it that I swim in now? Murky, like a swamp forest around me pouting trees and sad deer.
I can see the moss parting on the surface to let me thru.
Someone is telling me to jump.
Fuck you, I say, and jump.
I feel horribe. I don't know why.
My heart hurts, and I feel this impending sense of doom. I'm worried about everything. I want it all and nothing anymore. How do people do this?
Open cabinet above bathroom sink w/my reflection disappearing and now I am a complete stranger capable of making sweet strange decisions. Nobody knows me anymore, and that's just fine. To be apart for so long that what used to be familiar breath is now just another new smell to learn.
And writing beneath the stars. Drunker than last Sat. that is just another regrettable blur. But back inside where the candy drops all around me. I scramble to sweep away any evidence--all in my mouth one by one, then two three four thru eight and soon lost count. God, it takes only seconds that pass like days before my mouth and tongue go numb and black and while I'm inside a dream w/in a dream is coming.
It's her I know-the girl I've dreamed of before-that carried me here as I sink into the ground that the rain has made so soft. I remember now my night of decadence.
I imagine a dark funeral, the stroke of midnight, and a preacher dressed like a clown. All are relaxed, and I look beautiful in disguise in my coffin w/my suit free of wrinkles and my hair slicked back. No tears are shed except those of joy and as my family watches my friends and neighbors play hopscotch and basketball on the very soil that is going to cover my body.
A funeral party complete w/trays of snacks and prizes for the guests.
What pool is it that I swim in now? Murky, like a swamp forest around me pouting trees and sad deer.
I can see the moss parting on the surface to let me thru.
Someone is telling me to jump.
Fuck you, I say, and jump.
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Hi sweetie. Just seeing how it's going and giving you a