I actually had some important stuff to write but I'll leave it for tomoro. Just feeling too shitty and sad at the moment...

After what the boy did I really should not give a shit about him but whywhywhy does it feel so bad to see him being with another girl then and smiling to her?! I should not like him anymore but first time for a longlong time I cared about someone so much..blah.

Also not happy or excited at all about the change that is coming in three weeks time..I don't wanna leave South Africa, I don't wanna go to Finland but sadly that is what will happen in three weeks After moving from country to another about every 10 months (or more often) in last 5years I guess I should be used to leaving and good byes but somehow it just feels extra bad this time and I really don't want to go. Not even the idea of seeing family and friends is getting me excited which really sucks. I feel guilty to go back and not being happy at all when everyone is waiting for me and my brother is getting married two days after and all that.. I guess I have just found a place where I really could imagine staying longer...There is some possibilities to come back but at the moment that just doesnt really cheer me up much..

I just hope three weeks go extra slow...although time seems to be flying now. There are some many things and people I will really miss from here!!!Cant I just miss my flight and stay illegally in the country?