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qfreak69

Hell's Kitcken, Az.

Member Since 2004

Followers 206 Following 299

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Wednesday Oct 31, 2012

Oct 30, 2012
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"Four score and seven years ago our fathers brought forth on this continent a new nation, conceived in liberty, and dedicated to the proposition that all men are created equal." U.S. President Abraham Lincoln

"When government fears the people, there is liberty.
When the people fear the government, there is tyranny."Thomas Jefferson

"You didn't build that, someone else did." President Obama

I have given and provided for others all my life, I was force to retire because I have a disability, now, and I have no one to take care of me. Loneliness, gives way to desperation, but once you are at the bottom, you have no where else to go. My dog is the only one that looks at me with concern; others just dont see me. Desperation gives way to confusion. I wake up screaming, in cold sweats, but no ones is there to hear me, for if they were would they not come to check on me. My dog looks at me with concern, again. Someone told me he had demons eyes, no he has the only eyes that see the real me, not filtered by humanities selfish greed. If I pick up my 45, he tilts his head to the side, as if to says, daddy what are you doing? he seems to be the only one that see my pain inside. I was recently asked be a medical professional, if you were suicidal, do you have a plan on how you would do it? Until that moment, I had never thought about it, she pressed the issue, so I say, I would put my pistol in my mouth and blow my brains out. What a funny question to be asked. I have lived with 40 years of my life with PTSD; I have bad dreams four to five times a week, even now. I sleep with my service pistol under my pillow, wake up in the cold sweats, sometimes screaming, if anybody else in my house screamed, I would be up with my 45, going to their aid. No one comes to check on me. I scared my dog one night so bad, he jump out of the bed, he is the only one that reacted to my call for help. How shameful is that? Confusion gives way to spatial displacement, sometime I blink and dont know where I am at. I lay back down, my dog lays up against me, warm in the thought that his master is there.

Is this another lie?
camermaid:
It sounds like you do have some professional help, if you've been asked about suicide plans. Is there any kind of medication that you could take to ease your nightmares???

I don't think your dog has demon eyes - his eyes scared me because they are all-seeing, if that makes sense.

Please take care of yourself.
Dec 21, 2012

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