qfreak69

Looking at the bottom of the barral.

My ears roar with the sound of disappointment and despair.
Some tell me it is better to live alone without true love,
But my eyes can only is the loneliness at the end of the road.
Is it better to lie at the bottom of a bottle,
Or to cease to exist at all?

My demons are to many for me to face alone this way.
I live with a woman that will not even hold my hand,
Unless we are in Church,
Will not hug me to console me for my brother's death.
I wish I had no eyes to see the happiness of lovers.
I wish I had no ears to hear the laughter.
I wish I had no heart to want love so long unfulfilled.

I my eyes being in a bad relationship is better than being alone.
But the counselors tell me I am a fool,
That if all your partner does is uses you for her needs,
But doesn't fulfilled yours, you shouldn't stay in the relationship.

When two stars collide in a time on need, can they ever separate?
I now no that all I was, was a means to an end.
But my moral up beginning causing me to suffer in this.
I was raise to live by rules that place me here.
There is no fate that we don't make ourselves, they say,
But do we really have any chose in the way things play out.

I would be breaking a solemn vow, you my own happiness.
I have watched some many relationships where this is true.
But my offspring rule that it is better to leave than to be unhappy.
But my ancestors stood by their word.

Is it better to live a lie, than to need it by breaking your vows?
By going against all you were taught.
I have no answers for my self. I loss a brother all week ago.
Until he was 40 years old, he lived a life without rules.
Then he cleaned up his act according to society's rules.
Went to church and took care or his body.
Then within two months of being diagnosed with lung cancer he was dead.
What justice is there in the world when fate does this kind of thing?

I keep asking my self this; it is constantly in my mind, is it better to live a lie,
than not to live at all. And then the world steps in and says you are not allowed release.
I am sorry if I have upset you; I hate to see women cry.
It is the one tool that is always used against me.
I suffer so much because of those salty drops of dew.
God's punishment for me being alive, but yet there is no solace in death either.
Only love is real, life and death are unless things with out this.

Life, love and Death, but what is love. I have no answers only question.
Knock and it shall be opened into you, seek and you will find, ask and it shall be given into you,
He said. I have knocked until my knuckles are bleeding, I have sought until I can not walk, and
asked until I have no word left. What it the purpose in life if the answers are all secret.

Please someone have pity on me, pull the trigger, I can't self destruct.