qbug

Oh gosh, I'm being such a negative Nelly lately. Sorry.

I've been doing a lot of internet research and talking to a lot of people that I trust, and it seems that I may have to put my dog to sleep. I'm saying it like there's a "chance", but it's pretty certain. I am not okay, but I'm not longer crying, so that's a step in the right direction. I just have a hard time giving her affection this evening, because I feel like it's a silent betrayal.

My ex was very sweet about it and offered me some wonderfully kind words, which helped (she was both of our dog). He said that he knew it would most likely come to this, and that if the cancer keeps coming back there is nothing we can do about it. He also said that I shouldn't make her suffer through it, and even though she can't express her pain, she is probably not feeling good at all. He said that she was adopted twice before I got her and those people just gave up on her and brought her back, but I loved her for years and gave her a home. He said I was the best thing to ever happen to her (this is where I cry).

And if I look past the denial and the "maybe she'll get magically better"s, I know that she is sick right now, even though she still wags her tail at me. She has two tumors on her belly. Even though she's been eating, she's losing weight. She is constantly scratching/licking/biting herself and is never comfortable. She eats grass all the time (a sign that dogs don't feel well).


Errrg, I have to go to bed. Vet appointment tomorrow.