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pyrilamine

crackersville

Member Since 2006

Followers 13 Following 28

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Tuesday Dec 12, 2006

Dec 12, 2006
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Where do i begin..

UH lets begin when me and my boyfriend jeremy started arguing. It all happened when my cousin Abby died in a car wreck oct 20 06. His mom had come over and i didnt really feel like saying anything (i was holding tears) i grabed my cigs and walked out the door and didnt say anything to her. Boo fuckin hoo!! My best friend fuckin died 4 days ago. i dont really feel like watching you guys laugh and talk. I was sitting out on the stairs about 20 ft from his apartment.. crying my eyes out.. i mean i was not holding anything back.. i had all kinda of liquids running down my face. Two guys walking past me ask if i was alright. I was like im fine.

About 30 mins later She and Jeremy walked out.. They said some things *i heard my name* And she left. Jeremy walked back in.. then walked up to me. "Pack your shit im taking you home"

okay, maybe i was being melodramtic but i had good reasons. I was still crying the whole time.. I walked in to get my things.. While he just sat there and watched me. He said nothing to me. So i spoke up. I think i said something like "What the hell did i do?"
I dont remember much after that.. except me on my knees begging for forgiveness. He walked out and started his car while i ran to the bathroom.. grab a razor and cut three times n my forearm. not only did i cut but i started to punch myself in the stomach and head. I grabed my thing and threw them in the back of his car..
-----------------------------

There isnt much more i remember.. but i do know.. that he doesnt treat me the way he used to. he used to hold me and comfort me when i was upset.. now he demands i just suck it up. when his other female friends calls he calls them baby.. he goes out to clubs with other girls. i found some message on yahoo that he sent to his ex lover.. saying he wanted her one last time. and admit he went over there that night but nothing happened.
we havent had sex in over 2 weeks.. which makes have low self esteem. i cry everyday.. i cut.. i drink.. i sleep all the time.. im falling back in a deep depression. he wants me to be happy and strong but i cant when hes the reason i cry. the other night we were laying in bed.. and just out on curiousity i asked "baby on a scale of 1 to 10 what am i?" he replyed "uh i would say a 7" so yea.. he tells me girls have nice asses rihgt in front of me. i love him.. and we do have good times.. but the bad out ways the good. i dont know what to do. plz someone help!!!!

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