This is how the conversation would go, if it happened strictly on my terms:
How's it going?
Tough question. Do you mean how is it going right this instant, or were you thinking more generally?
Do the two differ?
Yes. This instant I am good, great even. The larger picture is bleaker.
Why is that?
I am restless.
Why are you restless?
There are some aspects of my life with which I am extremely discontented. I mean, I function. And sometimes I function very well. But on the whole I would say I am not a happy person.
Even if it goes further, even if I am asked of what I am discontented, even if the other participant actually listens and cares, it doesn't really matter. Talk is cheap, and I get no relief, no catharsis from the telling. The fact that someone besides me knows does nothing to change my attitudes or long-term behaviors.
At this point any intelligent reader would be asking, "Well then why are you writing it here?" The answer is simple: I am a little drunk, and talking about it does give me some rest - a good chat is worth a night, maybe two - but nothing else. This is a stopgap measure, designed for the next twelve hours, nothing more. Last year I called these sort of ramblings Mental Masturbation and I don't think I knew then just how true that is.
What would happiness look like? Honestly, I don't know. It certainly would involve a significant relationship with a member of the opposite sex, but also a good amount of academic confidence and/or success would have to be included. Common wisdom says that it always gets worse before it gets better. Unfortunately this does not tell me whether I am in the bad spot now, or if it will actually go downhill from here.
How's it going?
Tough question. Do you mean how is it going right this instant, or were you thinking more generally?
Do the two differ?
Yes. This instant I am good, great even. The larger picture is bleaker.
Why is that?
I am restless.
Why are you restless?
There are some aspects of my life with which I am extremely discontented. I mean, I function. And sometimes I function very well. But on the whole I would say I am not a happy person.
Even if it goes further, even if I am asked of what I am discontented, even if the other participant actually listens and cares, it doesn't really matter. Talk is cheap, and I get no relief, no catharsis from the telling. The fact that someone besides me knows does nothing to change my attitudes or long-term behaviors.
At this point any intelligent reader would be asking, "Well then why are you writing it here?" The answer is simple: I am a little drunk, and talking about it does give me some rest - a good chat is worth a night, maybe two - but nothing else. This is a stopgap measure, designed for the next twelve hours, nothing more. Last year I called these sort of ramblings Mental Masturbation and I don't think I knew then just how true that is.
What would happiness look like? Honestly, I don't know. It certainly would involve a significant relationship with a member of the opposite sex, but also a good amount of academic confidence and/or success would have to be included. Common wisdom says that it always gets worse before it gets better. Unfortunately this does not tell me whether I am in the bad spot now, or if it will actually go downhill from here.