found crazily scrawled on a napkin smeared with lipstick and next to a condom (used) on the ground behind a seedy bar in a back alley:
1) intro
ii) Meat & Potatoes
c) chronicle of another misspent weekend
4) outro
How's everybody doing? Ok? I hope so. I'm alright I guess. Kinda tired, finding myself in the same situation of writing, cleaning the room, working on some laundry, and thinking about going back to work. I don't really like these nights - it feels like I've wasted all my time and am back to procrastination like I did so much in college.
It could really ruin this whole journal bit if I just write about how badly I want to be in Portland and how much I sick I am of living in Iowa. So I won't do that. But rest assured, my desire continually grows, and my dissatisfaction as well. My drive to achieve mobile status is ever increasing. Before too long, I'll join the party.
Well yeah, Mood is kind of subdued - I went south for the weekend and saw my buddy Shagz and a mutual friend of ours. Shagz is a good friend of mine and all, but this weekend seemed a little weird. Just didn't feel right. Does this ever happen to you? You know someone really well and reach a certain level of intimacy in your friendship, but then spend a period of time apart, and when you come together again, you feel really strange because you can't get back to that intimacy right away? You don't treat each other like you normally would, it's almost like you have to get to know one another again. Very awkward. Maybe it's just me. Let me know. But yeah, that made the weekend really strange, not as relaxing as it should have been. It showed too, our attitudes were strange, Like I resented the amount of time he spent on the phone with his fiancee. Now I am a jealous bastard friend, but it really did seem like he was constantly on the damn phone. Now I look back and see that it was a really tough weekend for her - grad school decision needed to be made, and senior paper doesn't help that at all. He was being a good man by being there for her in a rough spot. I can be a real asshole. I feel bad now. As to our mutual friend - I'm a little miffed with her, she tried to guilt trip me again about not keeping in touch with her, and this time it backfired. It's a two way street, Ann, you're not calling me either. So yeah back to cleaning and laundry and shit so I can go work a double shift exhausted tomorrow. Ugh. I need a nice woman and a backrub and a drink. Or at least a hug. Sadly, I'll get nothing.
I'm working on getting a hold of that digital camera so I can finally post a profile pic... they say good things come to those who wait, but I'll let you be the judge soon enough. Yeah. Well I hope this finds you all in good health and better spirits. Wish me luck through the next 3 days or so. I'll rub my lucky bamboo for you.
By the way, Thursday is the coolest for talking to me. And Meph remains as he ever is, the calm Zen center of the maelstrom. Rickroyal writes purty. Alright, I've babbled long enough.
1) intro
ii) Meat & Potatoes
c) chronicle of another misspent weekend
4) outro
How's everybody doing? Ok? I hope so. I'm alright I guess. Kinda tired, finding myself in the same situation of writing, cleaning the room, working on some laundry, and thinking about going back to work. I don't really like these nights - it feels like I've wasted all my time and am back to procrastination like I did so much in college.
It could really ruin this whole journal bit if I just write about how badly I want to be in Portland and how much I sick I am of living in Iowa. So I won't do that. But rest assured, my desire continually grows, and my dissatisfaction as well. My drive to achieve mobile status is ever increasing. Before too long, I'll join the party.
Well yeah, Mood is kind of subdued - I went south for the weekend and saw my buddy Shagz and a mutual friend of ours. Shagz is a good friend of mine and all, but this weekend seemed a little weird. Just didn't feel right. Does this ever happen to you? You know someone really well and reach a certain level of intimacy in your friendship, but then spend a period of time apart, and when you come together again, you feel really strange because you can't get back to that intimacy right away? You don't treat each other like you normally would, it's almost like you have to get to know one another again. Very awkward. Maybe it's just me. Let me know. But yeah, that made the weekend really strange, not as relaxing as it should have been. It showed too, our attitudes were strange, Like I resented the amount of time he spent on the phone with his fiancee. Now I am a jealous bastard friend, but it really did seem like he was constantly on the damn phone. Now I look back and see that it was a really tough weekend for her - grad school decision needed to be made, and senior paper doesn't help that at all. He was being a good man by being there for her in a rough spot. I can be a real asshole. I feel bad now. As to our mutual friend - I'm a little miffed with her, she tried to guilt trip me again about not keeping in touch with her, and this time it backfired. It's a two way street, Ann, you're not calling me either. So yeah back to cleaning and laundry and shit so I can go work a double shift exhausted tomorrow. Ugh. I need a nice woman and a backrub and a drink. Or at least a hug. Sadly, I'll get nothing.
I'm working on getting a hold of that digital camera so I can finally post a profile pic... they say good things come to those who wait, but I'll let you be the judge soon enough. Yeah. Well I hope this finds you all in good health and better spirits. Wish me luck through the next 3 days or so. I'll rub my lucky bamboo for you.
By the way, Thursday is the coolest for talking to me. And Meph remains as he ever is, the calm Zen center of the maelstrom. Rickroyal writes purty. Alright, I've babbled long enough.
VIEW 4 of 4 COMMENTS
i worry about me, too. in all the situations we've talked about, because I do not deny my history. over the years of learning from my mistakes, I've tried to cultivate a very methodical and cautious way of doing things, both to cultivate energy and comfortably release it. things like minor debauches of the tongue-greeting variety i find safe enough, as sometimes physical expressions with those you feel comfortable with can be helpful, but i also know to what painful extents such happenings can lead to. it's not as much as I'm looking for a girlfriend as I am waiting until I'm ready to be open to one again, finding myself well enough and getting rid of adjustment items like promiscuity and meeting people in as balanced of a way that I can. and if i get burned, then the wound is just another to learn from.
like always. I know what I value, but I also value the process of getting there.
just don't worry, I'm not going to fuck ivy.
Of the Smith characters, Dante's little rant about the difference between making a man and a woman climax was the one that seemed truest to me.
Purty? Cool. Thanks.