5/14/2012
I feel like training wheels, or like the Mary Poppins of boyfriends. I am there to make them feel better about themselves until they dont need me anymore and can move on.
I think I was delusional to think that the guy in the painting she did could be me. I dont know if it means anything or not, I am sure it does though but this guy she is "seeing" has the painting as his profile picture. Maybe he did it to be supportive, idk.
I saw that this morning though and now my stomach is tied in knots and I just want to go home. It bothers me to think that I never inspired her to paint. Who knows, maybe it is just because she has more time? I mean when she was with me we were together nonstop, no time for painting.
I mean what does it really say if it is me in the painting, or him for that matter. Hades and Persephone, gods of the underworld? She is not generally a dark person so I dont know where that is coming from. I mean it would make more sense maybe if it were me, that she thought she was bringing me down, but at the same time he has it as his profile pic. What scares me is that if it is him, what is she becoming?
The underworld in Greek mythology is a dark dark place, yet in the painting it is bright oranges and such, the color of fire. Sometimes people substitute the idea of Hades as the Devil and the underworld as hell. I mean, is that what she is doing or am I thinking about it too much?
I just cant bear the thought of moving on and maybe if it is even possible falling for someone else again to find out I am just their training wheels. Granted I cant see myself moving on anyhow. My mom told me last night that someday I would find someone that would make me happy and without thinking I just blurted out, Whats the point, it all comes to an end anyhow. I know it sounds like I am being melodramatic but that is honestly how I feel.
I mean it feels like I build myself back up after relationships and then I move on only to have the next person knock me down to my foundation. With Laura though, the foundation and everything is gone. If I can ever rebuild why would I want to chance being burned down ever again?
I feel like training wheels, or like the Mary Poppins of boyfriends. I am there to make them feel better about themselves until they dont need me anymore and can move on.
I think I was delusional to think that the guy in the painting she did could be me. I dont know if it means anything or not, I am sure it does though but this guy she is "seeing" has the painting as his profile picture. Maybe he did it to be supportive, idk.
I saw that this morning though and now my stomach is tied in knots and I just want to go home. It bothers me to think that I never inspired her to paint. Who knows, maybe it is just because she has more time? I mean when she was with me we were together nonstop, no time for painting.
I mean what does it really say if it is me in the painting, or him for that matter. Hades and Persephone, gods of the underworld? She is not generally a dark person so I dont know where that is coming from. I mean it would make more sense maybe if it were me, that she thought she was bringing me down, but at the same time he has it as his profile pic. What scares me is that if it is him, what is she becoming?
The underworld in Greek mythology is a dark dark place, yet in the painting it is bright oranges and such, the color of fire. Sometimes people substitute the idea of Hades as the Devil and the underworld as hell. I mean, is that what she is doing or am I thinking about it too much?
I just cant bear the thought of moving on and maybe if it is even possible falling for someone else again to find out I am just their training wheels. Granted I cant see myself moving on anyhow. My mom told me last night that someday I would find someone that would make me happy and without thinking I just blurted out, Whats the point, it all comes to an end anyhow. I know it sounds like I am being melodramatic but that is honestly how I feel.
I mean it feels like I build myself back up after relationships and then I move on only to have the next person knock me down to my foundation. With Laura though, the foundation and everything is gone. If I can ever rebuild why would I want to chance being burned down ever again?
well I would say just give it time, she may come around, if not at some point and time Im sure you will find some one else who will make you happy and who is happy with you, its no fun to be alone forever, Ive been alone for over 5 years, so I know more about being alone then most.