I figure it is time to fess up. I have been going through a really hard time this past month or so. I can't really rant about it in any other forums. Facebook, Tumblr, and Twitter are all out because I have way to many Real Life friends on them. Don't get me wrong, I am not hiding anything, I just know they either probably don't want to see it, or would worry about me. Not to mention I don't want L to see it.
I am not saying her name because I don't want anyone on here going looking for her. On April 11th L broke up with me. I love her more than anything and still do. I have never felt more connected to another person in my life.
I also fell in love with her now 19 month old daughter too "E". She told me she needed time to be herself, and that she couldn't settle down now. Yet in the same conversation she says she could still see us getting married someday.
Over the past year we have been through a lot, and she has had a tough road so I have been there, and have been very understanding. E's father died in L's first trimester of an overdose, and on top of that L's father died when she was 8 or 9. With that said she told me she was afraid of the permanence that she saw with us right now?
It is all very confusing to me because she is the one that brought up us moving in together, she brought up marriage, hell a week before she broke up with me she was joking about engagement rings.
We were together everyday. Weather she was coming over to my place or I was going to hers we were always together. We were M and L. People would tell us all the time that we looked perfect together, and I agree. I don't think two people could have looked more right together, and complimented each other better than we did. She was my best friend, and going from seeing her everyday to not at all has felt like a huge chunk of my heart has been ripped out and the remaining flesh is starting to rot around the void.
Anyhow, that is what this is going to be about for a while. I am sorry to be a downer, but maybe someone out here will have some new insight for me. I am lost as it stands.
Tomorrow I will post the letter I wrote to her days after we broke up. It will give some more insight to anyone that cares or is interested.
M and L
I am not saying her name because I don't want anyone on here going looking for her. On April 11th L broke up with me. I love her more than anything and still do. I have never felt more connected to another person in my life.
I also fell in love with her now 19 month old daughter too "E". She told me she needed time to be herself, and that she couldn't settle down now. Yet in the same conversation she says she could still see us getting married someday.
Over the past year we have been through a lot, and she has had a tough road so I have been there, and have been very understanding. E's father died in L's first trimester of an overdose, and on top of that L's father died when she was 8 or 9. With that said she told me she was afraid of the permanence that she saw with us right now?
It is all very confusing to me because she is the one that brought up us moving in together, she brought up marriage, hell a week before she broke up with me she was joking about engagement rings.
We were together everyday. Weather she was coming over to my place or I was going to hers we were always together. We were M and L. People would tell us all the time that we looked perfect together, and I agree. I don't think two people could have looked more right together, and complimented each other better than we did. She was my best friend, and going from seeing her everyday to not at all has felt like a huge chunk of my heart has been ripped out and the remaining flesh is starting to rot around the void.
Anyhow, that is what this is going to be about for a while. I am sorry to be a downer, but maybe someone out here will have some new insight for me. I am lost as it stands.
Tomorrow I will post the letter I wrote to her days after we broke up. It will give some more insight to anyone that cares or is interested.
M and L