pykus

I wrote a letter today. I was very happy with how it turned out. I'm sharing it here, misspellings and all, so you can know this about me and in the hopes that some of you might like it and tell me so. :-)

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I went back and read some more of the stuff you posted and did some thinking. When you said you were not looking to fall in love... I really didn't know what to make of it. I understand the meaning of the words, but I didn't have any idea what the implications of that were for me. I guess I really still don't, though it matters less because my course of action is pretty clear.

I'm sorry I laid it all out for you like I did. I'm not sorry that you know how I feel or anything, but I see how that kinda put you in a spot that it was something you'd have to deal with and have to worry about not hurting me and for that I'm sorry, but don't worry about me. I got excited, but I am not fragile.

You wrote something about trying to date more than one man at once and how 2 fell in love with you and all they wanted was sex. I hope I don't come off like that... I'm not some random guy that fell in love with a girl just because she was there. And sex great and all, but it's trivial in relation to my interest in you.

I'm still kinda torn as to what I think here. It seems unfair from one stand point that anyone, including me, would simply walk into your life and ask you to change for them despite whatever plans you may have. On the other hand I can't help but wonder what had you make those plans in the first place. People are pretty shitty sometimes and often more trouble than they're worth, and part of me that wonders if this is why you are where you are now in your life and from that standpoint I know that if I were to have the opportunity I would prove different.

When I was young, 8 or so, my mother and I were in the back seat of a car waiting for some other people to get back and we were listening to the radio. A man called in to request a song and dedicate it to his girlfriend. The DJ asked if he loved her and the man said, "yes." The DJ asked why and the man said, "because she makes me feel good." My mother said, "he doesn't love her. Do you know how I know?" I said, "no." "Because when the DJ asked why he loved her, he said that it was about how she made *him* feel. When you really love someone it's not about you. It's about *them* and what you want to do for them."

I never forgot that. My point is that I want you to know that this is what shapes me in this respect. If I thought that my interest in you was more about what I want than wanting wonderful things for you, I wouldn't bother you to waste your time. I'm human and I loose sight of that from time to time and I have for the last few days, but I've reattached my head to my shoulders and I want you to know that I have feelings for you, but I don't want to change anything about your life that you don't want changed. I'll be grateful for whatever relationship we have.

I'll be as close to you as you'll let me and if you do decide at some point to get a little reckless and fall in love with someone I'd be deleriously happy if it was with me. Until that happens you have a friend in me and I'll be completely satisfied with that. K?

I don't want to get too sappy here, but here is a link to a song that's been running with you through my mind. Hope you like it...

While My Guitar Gently Weeps