gawd... i'm so fucking crazy and ambivalent. i think... haha, no joke there either. 
i decided that breaking up with hunter is a stupid thing to do. he's backed down in the sense of being kind of controlling of my lifestyle and doesn't nag as much anymore. but also, i just realized how damned much the guy loves me. i think that, perhaps i am a lesbian, but i've fallen for this guy and right now i can't think of any other person, guy or girl that could ever take his place. well, actually there's this chick on myspace.... hahaha, i'll shutup.
so yeah, now i'm just trying to like, solve whatever's wrong within myself. i quit taking that shitty cymbalta and started back on my effexor again. i'm feeling a little better and a tad more sensical.
i do feel guilty though because today i woke up and was too damned tired to care about class and so i just didn't go. and i've missed a fucking lot of that class. oh well... i'm doing my best. i'm fucking mentally ill right now, i need to stop guilt-tripping myself over things i can't do all the time.
last night hunter took his mom to cilantros for mother's day, even though it was a day after and today i won't see him for a while.
he went to art class and after that he's going to see his dad who came up to the central bay to visit. i'd love to visit his dad, too, seeing as how he's quite a cool and nifty man........but i have to babysit a brat. well, at least i'll get some $$ for it. then i'll finally get to see hunty at like... 10 or 11... but i'm trying to be independent. i suppose i should go to the book cafe and get quiche or soup --i haven't eaten in two days due to lack of motivation and will and i'm not anorexic so i must go force myself to eat. then sleep. then babysit. life sux.
always,
--natalie
i decided that breaking up with hunter is a stupid thing to do. he's backed down in the sense of being kind of controlling of my lifestyle and doesn't nag as much anymore. but also, i just realized how damned much the guy loves me. i think that, perhaps i am a lesbian, but i've fallen for this guy and right now i can't think of any other person, guy or girl that could ever take his place. well, actually there's this chick on myspace.... hahaha, i'll shutup.
so yeah, now i'm just trying to like, solve whatever's wrong within myself. i quit taking that shitty cymbalta and started back on my effexor again. i'm feeling a little better and a tad more sensical.
i do feel guilty though because today i woke up and was too damned tired to care about class and so i just didn't go. and i've missed a fucking lot of that class. oh well... i'm doing my best. i'm fucking mentally ill right now, i need to stop guilt-tripping myself over things i can't do all the time.
last night hunter took his mom to cilantros for mother's day, even though it was a day after and today i won't see him for a while.
he went to art class and after that he's going to see his dad who came up to the central bay to visit. i'd love to visit his dad, too, seeing as how he's quite a cool and nifty man........but i have to babysit a brat. well, at least i'll get some $$ for it. then i'll finally get to see hunty at like... 10 or 11... but i'm trying to be independent. i suppose i should go to the book cafe and get quiche or soup --i haven't eaten in two days due to lack of motivation and will and i'm not anorexic so i must go force myself to eat. then sleep. then babysit. life sux.
always,
--natalie
-TM