hi world, 
life is depressing right now. i'm not sure why... i've always been this way, just ask lessthanthree she's known me since jr. high.
yeah, anyway, last night i broke down into depression so bad that the crying was uncontrollable and i seized up in chest pain (not physical, but.... so mentally painful that it felt physical). i'm not sure why. he wanted to leave and said he couldn't "take this shit anymore" and i said to him, "if you leave tonight, don't ever come back because tonight i need you more than anything." he didn't leave, and i know that was a disgusting ultimateum. but i really meant it. i was a danger to myself last night.
ever since i did those damned shrooms with acid on them... jeeezus fucking christ... sorry god, i didn't mean it, really. my brain chemicals are so off. today i was driving to circuit city to get a new internet cord cuz my dumb rabbit chewed thru mine. on the way there, "Stay" by Maurice Williams , which is a really old 50's song came on the radio. my dad used to sing it to me when i was a little kid, and for some reason it just made me break down. i'm such a mess right now.
i'm here at home alone and waiting for hunter to get home, but in a way, i don't want him to see me like this. i think i need to go cry some more now....
will update when i feel better or if anything extraordinary happens.
luv n depression,
--natalie
life is depressing right now. i'm not sure why... i've always been this way, just ask lessthanthree she's known me since jr. high.
yeah, anyway, last night i broke down into depression so bad that the crying was uncontrollable and i seized up in chest pain (not physical, but.... so mentally painful that it felt physical). i'm not sure why. he wanted to leave and said he couldn't "take this shit anymore" and i said to him, "if you leave tonight, don't ever come back because tonight i need you more than anything." he didn't leave, and i know that was a disgusting ultimateum. but i really meant it. i was a danger to myself last night.
ever since i did those damned shrooms with acid on them... jeeezus fucking christ... sorry god, i didn't mean it, really. my brain chemicals are so off. today i was driving to circuit city to get a new internet cord cuz my dumb rabbit chewed thru mine. on the way there, "Stay" by Maurice Williams , which is a really old 50's song came on the radio. my dad used to sing it to me when i was a little kid, and for some reason it just made me break down. i'm such a mess right now.
i'm here at home alone and waiting for hunter to get home, but in a way, i don't want him to see me like this. i think i need to go cry some more now....
will update when i feel better or if anything extraordinary happens.
luv n depression,
--natalie
VIEW 6 of 6 COMMENTS
ironwill:
I know kinda how some of you feel. I'm a guy and cant controll my crying at work either, right in front of others sometimes I have to ask if I can go home. I cant even look at my fathers picture at all, he passed away this last christmas.
mzmonster:
hey, hang in there I know how you feel but it will get better. x 