pure

Mutha fucken update !! ! !!

I put off updating not because nothing has happined or don't know how to start writing ha I could type n type out my whole life story haha it's because everything changes so quickly then it all feels like a lie
Once "add blog" something starts snowball spiralling into contradiction ends up opposite
I'm not sure if it's common of all fire signs (leo) to have such drama!
I'm blaming it on the stars because my horoscope mentioned something like.. Try to avoid bringing others into your mental mayhem, it has less to do with them, more internal... . . Around those lines!?
Zodiac is always just where I'm at at that time. Maybe im gullible or I read into it or im so all over the place i'll fit into any sign anything anyone says i believe it!
This spiel is coming from my "mental mayhem" it is internal and I have been dragging others into it
I pour my heart out in my entries and if you've followed up till now you know most downer surronding my relationship with my boyfriend. From experience I know what a head fuck involving any one else is
Cheating/betrayal/lying im thinking clearly again for now but it's been hard to keep it all together
Reading it like this helps but don't take it on yourself im not draggin into my mayhem HA
Feel like if I let down this perfect girlfriend act it'll push boyfriend back to her again
Pressure.. I was breaking inside
Finally let him see and him who I fought so hard to be with who I still love whole heartedly looks at me like im insane like it's all nothing (I was loyal to him he has everything he wants) he doesn't feel this
I thought he understood me. Sometimes. I don't even understand myself

It's been a messy mEsSy fortnight or so. . . A lot has gone on since last update but not in the mood to fill you in right now will post pics once hook up my friend whose camera they were taken on

I'll come out stronger and wiser at the end I know


Lifes too short to be sad - im now one of the apparent 40% population require antidepressants just to be happy just to make it through the day
smile




XXX
pure








Aftermath of rejection, the hurt, the misery, the loneliness and the feeling that the future just disappeared, totally demoralised and afraid that theyll never fall in love so deeply again.

I know this blog is badly typed and doesn't even make sense I'm not writing proper sentenaces but Im using it as an outlit like a list I spose. .