punkinfanta

mr. sandman


i had a really horrible dream. and i only remember bits & pieces..

i was at this house with a lot of people. we were sitting in a room watching tv i believe. supposedly C came in sometime and was in the next room but i didn't pay any attention till i sat up and peeked over and was disgusted. he knew i had looked over so he came into the room and it was the first time we had seen eachother in years...and i'm sure my face showed some shock. he was so foul and ugh, just so gross. more so than i ever remembered or could imagine. seriously repulsive. and mostly because of the way he carried himself and his behavior. i recall smirking a bit because even though after me he found someone else and i struggled, i was still so much better than him, and he was just a sorry excuse for a human being. he asked if i saw his dogs make fun of me (i had a previous dream where i snuck into his complex..i don't know why...and he had all these dogs and they only barked at me) anyway somehow we got on the subject of knowing things/having answers and i made some cheap shot smart ass remark like "even though i never got any" and he started yelling at me saying it doesn't even matter that it was so long ago and dead. which it is! which it was! and especially in my dream, ugh no, disgusting. but part of me still wanted to know why..... so i yelled back. like seriously fucking screamed. which i never do...

somehow the dream got really odd here. and C was like chasing me around this house filled with so many people. there must have been some party...but he was chasing and taunting and wouldn't leave me alone. at some point kyle was with me too. we locked ourselves in this bathroom but we locked it wrong and he was barging in. i was up against the door but he broke a hole through the top and had me in this chokehold. but he also began to touch me. and he tried to rape me but i got away. kyle and him were wearing animal costumes... he said he always watched me through windows.

i ran and found another bathroom to hide in. there was a window which scared me so i turned off the lights and layed on the floor. through the crack under the door i could see people walking around. loud atmosphere. i then saw a rat and got scared and pushed it out back through the door. pepper appeared and attacked the rat. it turned into a bunch of baby rats. the little pink hairless ones. and pepper and this cat started eating them. and i'm so terrified of rats but i just had to lay there watching so C wouldn't find me....

that's all i remember even though there was much more. i vaguely recall this one part where i was at the beach....

anyway..

i woke up and smelled cigarrettes...

i'm sure this is full of some sort of meaning.

and i think i figured them out. good & bad.