so i have some soul searching to do.
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with mine and my boyfriend's 2 year anniversary coming up, something has come up that is making me really doubt myself. when i was 16, living in a small town, i was involved with a total jerk, let's call him "james". he treated me like dirt and was always fucked up. he added to my self-destruction. there was this guy we all hung out with, we'll call him "gary", and he was a pretty popular, attractive guy. I was a girl with low self esteem and emotional problems beyond belief. gary approached me one day when james broke my heart another time. things got a little hot and heavy with me and gary but we didnt have sex. after that night he would always come to me and tell me how he would treat me like a queen and be so much better than james. he couldnt understand why "a beautiful girl would let a guy treat her like that". i was infatuated with james and couldnt let go. even though a gorgeous, caring guy wanted to be with me.after that summer i moved to dallas and didnt see him again.
after almost 4 years i found him on facebook... i messaged him and asked him how his life was. i found out that he is in the marines and in afganistan right now. he told me about how he was supposed to be having a kid in jan but that he didnt love the girl. he asked me how things were in my life and i told him i was going to school and living with my boyfriend. i told him i had missed him and how i had always regreted my decision back in the day. how i had always thought about what could have been. he told me he thought about that to, and that we could have had a really good time together. he said when he comes back to the us in may that he wants to see me. i told him ok but im worried.
i've always had him in the back of my head but i love my boyfriend sooo much. i've never been happier than when i was with my boyfriend. he's my best friend and my lover. but with gary coming back into the picture things are getting really confusing. idk what to do. my heart is really torn. the thing is idk if gary wants to be with me or if he just wants a casual thing. please help me
idk what to do
with mine and my boyfriend's 2 year anniversary coming up, something has come up that is making me really doubt myself. when i was 16, living in a small town, i was involved with a total jerk, let's call him "james". he treated me like dirt and was always fucked up. he added to my self-destruction. there was this guy we all hung out with, we'll call him "gary", and he was a pretty popular, attractive guy. I was a girl with low self esteem and emotional problems beyond belief. gary approached me one day when james broke my heart another time. things got a little hot and heavy with me and gary but we didnt have sex. after that night he would always come to me and tell me how he would treat me like a queen and be so much better than james. he couldnt understand why "a beautiful girl would let a guy treat her like that". i was infatuated with james and couldnt let go. even though a gorgeous, caring guy wanted to be with me.after that summer i moved to dallas and didnt see him again.
after almost 4 years i found him on facebook... i messaged him and asked him how his life was. i found out that he is in the marines and in afganistan right now. he told me about how he was supposed to be having a kid in jan but that he didnt love the girl. he asked me how things were in my life and i told him i was going to school and living with my boyfriend. i told him i had missed him and how i had always regreted my decision back in the day. how i had always thought about what could have been. he told me he thought about that to, and that we could have had a really good time together. he said when he comes back to the us in may that he wants to see me. i told him ok but im worried.
i've always had him in the back of my head but i love my boyfriend sooo much. i've never been happier than when i was with my boyfriend. he's my best friend and my lover. but with gary coming back into the picture things are getting really confusing. idk what to do. my heart is really torn. the thing is idk if gary wants to be with me or if he just wants a casual thing. please help me
idk what to do
ill leave you with a cute ass kitty
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I won't belabor the detailed explanation, but your body ramps up the production of Oxytcoin at times of stress and this dramatic increase in Oxytcoin makes you feel happy, soothed, and contented. It's a genetic thing in women the body developed to help cope with things like child birth, but it seems to have the same response to things like jerk boyfriends!! So, the more your jerk boyfriend stresses you out, the more oyxtcoin your body produces giving you a happy feeling. Consequently, you associate those happy feelings with the jerk boyfriend and mistake it for love. This is why you weren't more attracted to Gary back in the day...because he was too nice to really trigger your Oxytcoin response like your jerk boyfriend did.
As for present day, you've stated how much you love your boyfriend and how good he is in your life, ie...he's a nice guy and everything you understand about conventional wisdom tells you he should be making you happy, but he's not...NOT REALLY!! IF he were, you wouldn't be thinking about Gary and going to all the trouble to try to make contact with him!! There is a hole in your life, something your current boyfriend is not doing for you, which is why after four years you started thinking about Gary, because you associate Gary with the time when you're jerk boyfriend was tripping your trigger and over the passage of time you've blended those memories and emotions into the same thing. In a word, you are a slave to your body's chemistry, which is what is creating the confusion and conflicted emotions you are experiencing.
Sadly, you probably will not be satisfied until you resolve this issue for yourself, which will most probably end up with your eventual realization that Gary is not the same guy you remember him being and worst case will result in the loss of your current boyfriend too. All that glitters is not gold little one. All of life is just "in the moment" and the moment is constantly changing. People are seldom who we think they are in reality. Search inside yourself and conquer your own personal demons, because you can't be good for anyone in your life, until you're good for yourself.
Take Care,
Woody