I know I start my posts off this way every time, but it seriously has been forever since I had updated anything on SG. Almost two weeks to be exact. Obviously I'm not going to remember every single thing that has happened since then. I will however, try and encapsulate anything of importance than has happened. And the answer to that universally boring question is nothing. Well almost nothing. I believe I mentioned in the previous post that a member of the opposite sex reared her head into my life. To put it simply she has flipped my world upside down and back again.
I will now try and explain the recent ongoings between me and said vixen. I hope to bore you before reach the end, because I am in search of sage advice from my fellow SGers. Andddd the saga begins. From the beginning.
It started a few months ago when I started talking to a friend of my younger brothers. I felt instantly that there was some sort of connection between and later on she admitted that too. After talking online for a week or two we decided we should finally hang out in person. So the night comes and I had to attend a birthday party of a friends mom, one thing led to another and I was completely bombed. I didn't want to break the plans with her so I went anyway. Bad Idea. Apparently, and I say apparently because I don't remember any of it. I digress, well; long story short, I was an abnoxious drunk. Needless to say she was not very happy with me and did not hesitate to tell me that there was no chance of "us" happening.
I'm going to skip past the couple months where I languished in grief and get to the near present. She had finally go in touch with me after months of deafening silence. She said that we should give it another chance. I was hesitant because I know how much of a fuck up I am. But I had feelings for her that I could not ignore. So we did and everything seemed perfect. But all good things must come to an end right. Well, she has this rule where she dosent want to talk to me when I'm drunk. Well it dosent take Sherlock Holmes to figure this one out. I got drunk and proceeded to call her endlessly one night. After a month or so of hanging out. She said I had runined it again. Again I fucked it up, there was noone to blame but myself. Apology after apology and tear after tear.. She gave in. This time she said things would be different, we wouldn't be together, but we would be more than friends. And I know what your thinking; "fuck buddy" "friends with benefits" but I must stop you there because we have not had sex yet. I nearly forgot to mention we exchanged that universally accepted word of romance. LOVE. Moving along, after painfully sitting through crying sessions Monday night with her, very early in the morning she wanted to fool around, saying "this would be the last time." I admit, I didn't want to, not if it didn't mean anything. I gave her a kiss on the forehead, told her I loved her and held her hand until we fell asleep. When Tuesday came I expected things too be different like she had said but they weren't. Tuesday was like nothing happened at all. This was all so foreign to me, I didn't understand. I hadn't felt this way towards someone for a long time. Wednesday until now I can't help but get the feeling that she's slowly slipping away. I haven't seen her since Tuesday and she's very brief when she talks to me. I don't want to push the issue. I really just don't know what to do.
Blah there are alot of gaps in the rambling above, sorry. If I were to fully explain it, it would take hours and honestly I'm just not up for it. I've told her that she was worth fighting for, and she is. But I don't want to fight for a lost cause. Fuck me. It's just such a tangled mess, a great fiction writer couldnt dream this up.
Anyway, that's enough. For all of you ladies out there, Silence is your greatest weapon. Remember that. Because right now she's killing me. I don;t know what to do.
Sincerely,
Me
I will now try and explain the recent ongoings between me and said vixen. I hope to bore you before reach the end, because I am in search of sage advice from my fellow SGers. Andddd the saga begins. From the beginning.
It started a few months ago when I started talking to a friend of my younger brothers. I felt instantly that there was some sort of connection between and later on she admitted that too. After talking online for a week or two we decided we should finally hang out in person. So the night comes and I had to attend a birthday party of a friends mom, one thing led to another and I was completely bombed. I didn't want to break the plans with her so I went anyway. Bad Idea. Apparently, and I say apparently because I don't remember any of it. I digress, well; long story short, I was an abnoxious drunk. Needless to say she was not very happy with me and did not hesitate to tell me that there was no chance of "us" happening.
I'm going to skip past the couple months where I languished in grief and get to the near present. She had finally go in touch with me after months of deafening silence. She said that we should give it another chance. I was hesitant because I know how much of a fuck up I am. But I had feelings for her that I could not ignore. So we did and everything seemed perfect. But all good things must come to an end right. Well, she has this rule where she dosent want to talk to me when I'm drunk. Well it dosent take Sherlock Holmes to figure this one out. I got drunk and proceeded to call her endlessly one night. After a month or so of hanging out. She said I had runined it again. Again I fucked it up, there was noone to blame but myself. Apology after apology and tear after tear.. She gave in. This time she said things would be different, we wouldn't be together, but we would be more than friends. And I know what your thinking; "fuck buddy" "friends with benefits" but I must stop you there because we have not had sex yet. I nearly forgot to mention we exchanged that universally accepted word of romance. LOVE. Moving along, after painfully sitting through crying sessions Monday night with her, very early in the morning she wanted to fool around, saying "this would be the last time." I admit, I didn't want to, not if it didn't mean anything. I gave her a kiss on the forehead, told her I loved her and held her hand until we fell asleep. When Tuesday came I expected things too be different like she had said but they weren't. Tuesday was like nothing happened at all. This was all so foreign to me, I didn't understand. I hadn't felt this way towards someone for a long time. Wednesday until now I can't help but get the feeling that she's slowly slipping away. I haven't seen her since Tuesday and she's very brief when she talks to me. I don't want to push the issue. I really just don't know what to do.
Blah there are alot of gaps in the rambling above, sorry. If I were to fully explain it, it would take hours and honestly I'm just not up for it. I've told her that she was worth fighting for, and she is. But I don't want to fight for a lost cause. Fuck me. It's just such a tangled mess, a great fiction writer couldnt dream this up.
Anyway, that's enough. For all of you ladies out there, Silence is your greatest weapon. Remember that. Because right now she's killing me. I don;t know what to do.
Sincerely,
Me