punchdrunk92308

today was one of those days without no other purpose then to wait for it to end. I was jolted out of bed by the racket of the housekeepers beginning their weekly routine. they seem to be arriving earlier and earlier each week. all I wanted to do for crying out loud was catch up on some f'n sleep.
got a call from my buddy from new orleans whose currently in the depths of mardi gras. he is ofcourse having a blast.
it reminded me of the last time i was there. I had just graduated college and had moved to orlando, so I decided to load up the mustang and meet some friends in atlanta. we drank and got twisted at our favorite bar for a night (the clairmont lounge...a place you have to see to believe) and headed out early the next day.
once there we met some lady friends at a youth hostile not far from bourbon street, ingested massive amounts of esctasy and started pounding the pavement. soon after things became a surreal juxtaposition of images and sensations that I am still not sure whether they really happened or not. I do know some things for certain.
we first stopped and had to have hurricanes at the first bar we saw. right about the time i was shown the tenth pair of breasts, which i beleive were perfect, and the pills started to kick in. my friend kept feeding me various flavors or pharmecuticals, he was a regular willie wonka. my hands got sweaty and i felt like i was john travolta in the boy in the bubble movie.
the next memory i had was stumbling into a bar called the kit kat or something like that and ordering a drink. i then look up and see a kid waving his 14 inch cock in my face. I told the bartender not to mix my drink with it. i payed, slammed my drink, turned to leave and realize that my friends had disappeared in the see of drunken tourists. it was so thick and condensed it was like a river of flesh flowing down bourbon street with breasts and beads emerging and submerging like rocks in a current.
as i was trying to spy them out when i suddenly felt a tap on my shoulder that resonated through me like a tuning fork, "hey isaac, are you doing here, oh my god, great to see you?" i turn to see this beautiful girl that had sat next to me during our college graduation. i couldn't believe the f'n coincidence, although at the time i would have been amazed at anything. she invited me back to her hotel room which was a few blocks over from canal street.
i started chewing a few more pills, which i think i was just down to the little morphine ones at the time, and grabbed her back pocket and held on for dear life. soon we were in her hotel room intwined in a poor excuse for drunken sex. it was fun other then the fact that i was so fucked up and twisted that i kept falling off the bed and knocking over lamps.
all of the sudden ten strangers (to me) barged in, and one large, mean looking gentleman was not very happy at all. I panicked, picked up my clothes and got the fuck out. As the girl tried to calm angry man down, his friend, who was doubled over in laughter was nice enough to give me a beer for the rode, but not directions on how to get back to bourbon street. i tried calling my friends at our hotel room with my cell phone but ofcourse they weren't back yet, and i had no f'n clue where i was.
so swaying on this cobble stone street i got dressed, and looked around trying to get my bearings and i couldn't make heads or tails what was what. there was water over there, lights over here, the dome over there. so i headed toward the lights. i don't know how long or far i walked, but by the time i got to the lights, it was only a f'n draw bridge.
the exercise helped my body come to it's senses and i soon realized that i was in the ghetto, i mean the f'n dirty south ghetto....and i was suddenly overcome with fear. i tried my cell again and got my friends, "dude, where the fuck are you!"....and all I could say in a frantic tone was, "i have no fucking idea...a drawbridge, dude, please come and get me..now, or i'll be dead before sunrise"
"well, give me a cross street or something".."i can't read these fucking signs right now man, i'm next to the damn draw bridge" gary then said, "just calm down man, get to an intersection, i'll find it on the map and we'll come and get you"..."ok"
at this point i was panic stricken, hot, sweaty, half naked with my only lifeline, my cell phone, about to run out of juice. so i did what any mexican would do in this situation, i ran and ran.......and then severly sprained my ankle.
it's amazing how fast excruciating pain will sober you up. not even all the pills i had taken could help me here. the little morphine pills dulled it a little, but it didn't help the fact that i couldn't walk.
fortunately i made it to some dark intersection where there was crickets churping and dogs barking out in the distance and i made what may have been my last call from the cell. "ok.. dude, i'm at (such and such..i can't remember the name of the street)", "alright, hold on, let me find this shit on the map and FUCK man, where the hell did you go". i didn't feel like getting the third degree at the time so i snapped back, "hey, just find the intersection...PLEASE, i wanna get the fuck out of here!!"
i could here the rustling paper of the map and he said he couldn't find it, ofcourse he was probably as fucked up as i was at the time, just not in as much peril.
then something happened that only god could have had a hand in. a cab pulled up. the window rolled down and an old black man with grey hair stuck his head out and said very slow and seriously, "hey..you..look...lost".
i would have kissed the guy if he wasn't a guy. I pitifully limped into the back seat and said, "holiday inn, airport please" i told my friend i'd found a way back, but my phone was dead.
one hour later i was sitting in a booth at the denny's in the hotel, my extremely swollen and purple ankle propped up on a chair, enjoying a moonsovermyhammy and a milkshake. gary, my best friend, the one who corresponded with me from the hotel earlier that night carefully slid in next to me. "isaac, are you alright". With my mouth full of hashbrowns, "ya, i'll live, dude, look at my foot!"
"Holy shit!, thats disgusting" he yelled. he was right. it looked like a purple rubber glove that had been inflated with air. and i was all out of pills.
"well.. we looked on the map and found out where you called us from, man you were about seven miles from the french quarter, how the fuck did you get all the way there?"..I had no answer for that because quite frankly, I didn't know. i will say this, that chocolate milkshake was fucking ausome