punchbunny

And so, this is where we're at. After all this, after all that has been accomplished, this is where we're at. Understanding the human psyche, deciphering what we might call our accomplishments, our livelihoods. The deeper one reaches into the recesses of what one might describe as humanity, perhaps society, all you can find is conflict. Any which way you cut it, if you try to make sense of it, you can't. It won't make sense. You can go with the old clichs of everyone is difference, but honestly, that's crap. The closest I can come up with is, perhaps, any human instance you study is based in chaos. But that, too, is crap.

All people, no matter what their labels, no matter what their intentions, they will adhere to the same basic principals. They are so simple to read it is boring. It's the little things one introduces into these instances that make the situations interesting. And so it could be the pack mentality of humans, our need to co-exist, that becomes interesting. No matter how much people differ, if one will accept another, they will, more than likely, form a bond. And so it goes from there, until we form groups.

From these groups relationships can form. As far as I can tell, any two people can form a romantic relationship if the circumstances match. I have found relationships to be where the real interest begins. Once a relationship starts, hierarchies form. Usually, the person with the most possible relationships in a male friendship (heterosexual) is truly admired, to the point of jealousy and hatred. As for female (heterosexual), I can, at most, assume, as I am not female. Women, as far as I can tell, tend to admire their female friends who are able to carry on long term relationships. However, in the current wave of feminism (I'm not sure if the feminist waves are even labled anymore, however, I'd like to pin it in with my own theory of fourth wave feminism), the woman seems to admire and hate her female companions much in the same way as the current male. This leads one to consider change, popular culture; a new tide of human companionship.

My current findings cannot include the purely homosexual male or female, as all of my gay friends seem to have moved away and I cannot observe them.

However, there does seem to be a steady turn in the bisexual movement, as more and more people become comfortable enough with their sexuality to explore new things.

None of this considers the current political environment. This is based solely on my own experiences.

I'm beginning to think that I only do things in order to understand humanity better. I'm beginning to think I no longer have a personality of my own, but rather, one I've created in order to better understand those I wouldn't know on an intimate level in normal circumstances. I'm beginning to think there is no me, but rather, that me I have created for everyone else to enjoy, so that they will open up in my presence, so that I will better understand them.

I just spent an entire night doing this. Something I haven't done in awhile. Not since I decided to become a heroin addict so that I could better understand addiction.

What happened?

Maybe it's just late and I'm drunk and I am, once again, overthinking things. There are so many options.

-N