pumpkineater

You often dont know what kind of impact someones had on your life until its too late. Of all the people youve come across and all their lifelines zig-zagging across yours, there are usually a couple that stand out b/c, unknown to you at the time, their profound effect is something you never could have imagined. For me fortunately, that wasnt the case w/ N-, I recognized her impact on me from the beginning.

I first met N- a couple months ago while I was at a crossroads in my life. I had been in the city nearly a year but decided the reason why I had come to the city was no longer the purpose of my existence there. That evening though, I had just finished dinner w/ V-, when I stepped across the crosswalk, stopped a moment to look at the puppies in cages, and then found N- there around the corner, living on the street.

It was a bit cloudy, a bit chilly, like some random late spring evenings. Early evening brings out the madness that winds down most days in the city. People in an organized chaos frantically scurrying back to their homes after a mindless day at work. When I first moved here, I was awestruck by the frenzied insanity of it. The city has that sort of affect on people. Even in the dimming early evening, she radiated like sunlight sparkling off the ripples of a pond.

I didnt expect much from her, in fact, nothing. She was certainly beautiful, but more importantly, intriguing. My non descript Korean face mustve seemed like every other faceless society assembly line worker to her. A meal from Mcdonalds, that supersized glutton of a corporation. I told her I was writing an article for a paper, and she was cautious, I think. She mentioned her friends had gotten some bad press in T- Square. I had to go and she was w/ her sister, D-. The whole train ride home I thought about N-.

In the days after, I thought a lot about N-, this young beautiful person who sometimes has fire in her eyes and a body decorated with ink. She looked like a young porcelain doll, but she had an old soul making her ageless.

The next couple days I got sick, like I always do when the seasons change. I really enjoy wandering the streets of the city, watching people, peering into peoples apartments. But those days, instead of lying in bed sick, I didnt wander the streets - I searched them for her. I remember she said somewhere on E. 10 so I searched there too, hoping to catch a glimpse of her. I saw N- again a couple days later and I was drawn to her, wanted to get to know her, but all she wanted was some rest. She had me the very first time she pulled my arms around her, but I couldnt tell her that then.

I ran into N- every so often at the same spot I had first met her. It was kind of like my secret meeting spot. Once she even asked if I came looking for her. Too embarrassed to say I was, I said it was on my walk to the subway after work. She didnt know, but even from that point, seeing her, talking to her was the highlight of my day.

I treat N- with kid gloves, handle w/ care, fragile. How ironic. She is the toughest, meanest, loveliest, strongest, wildest, smartest, sassiest bitch in the world. While others break, she hardens and sharpens herself like diamonds from coal.

N- sometimes tells me she is glad shes met me, as if Ive really done anything for her. Every morning I wake up thankful fate has crossed our lives. Shes reopened my eyes, reawakened my sleeping soul. Pill poppers and junkies are not the only sleep-walkers in this city. I wonder how I could ever thank her and express to her how profound an effect shes had on my life. She snickers and calls me a liar when I say Im going to ink her name, but baby girl, it already is tattooed on my heart and branded in my soul.