pudding

so apparently there is no love for me this evening. no love at all. joe went to the party after doing dinner with me, i said it was ok, that i wouldn't get pissed. but now i sit here all types of lonely but glad that everyone else is just fine. Common People. heard it in my car one rainy night that i don't care...
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so..........i need a better profile picture and a hobby. tried cleaning up a little in my room, but lost my motivation quickly and started to kicking clothes around the floor. how sad. my hands are shaking, but i won't tell you why. at least all the garbage if off the top of my desk, i can see the monitor clearly now. motivated by what? too...
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so much time, so much sleep, so pissed as usual. dissapointment kills, me and small animals i think. save me from myself, someone, anyone. it takes a lot for me to peel myself of the couch, or floor, or misc. surface. i hate my job , though the people there make it worth it most days. got a headache from hell and i feel emotionally...
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i could think of a million ways to say i'm sorry for all the things i didn't say.

dirty little secret. have to fill out paperwork prior to my first therapy session, all they need is to know what makes me a neurotic mess, thats pretty easy. but seriously this thing has a million questions. i was pissed this morning and then around 11 i couldn't control my laughter and just laid my head down on the counter til i could shut up....
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i think my brain just gave out on me

so christmas is over ...thank god. new years is the next big thing but it sounds like we have tiny evening at home planned. hopefully 2006 will be better than 2005. i am awake because for some reason i can't sleep though i am infinatly tired. we got a really sweet digital camera/camcorder from my grandparents. still don't know how to operate it, but it...
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i have cried so much it made me puke, and i have a killer headache and i'm tired. merry fucking christmas to me. i go visit my family later today with my brother. all i want to do is stay home, but the idea of all the soda i can drink and free food entices me like nothing else. it is not that i don't...
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i am still living with your ghost. i am finally the bad guy i have always been told i was. accept it and move on. my head feels fuzzy and my thoughts are clouded and i really need a hand here people. i am falling apart and prone to poor choices . still sick, but not int he traditional way, just sick, you know what...
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still all types of hush hush. new profile pic, not a very good one, bur devistatingly acurate. that is right people, i have squirrel cheeks damn it. maybe tomorrow i'll make waffles, never know, unpredictable. waffles are yummy, and i have finally lost my mind. but it has never looked so good. i don't know what i expect to come out of this, hell probably,...
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