pudding

it seems as though i'm not in the place i was when i last updated this damn thing. in fact, my place in life seems to be constantly shifting with or without my consent more and more these days. things are a bit harder than i would like them to be which has caused a state of major discomfort, not only for myself, but for those unfortunate enough to be around me. because i'm the kind of asshole that holds onto her inner turmoil just two seconds too long and ends up lashing out at everyone that happens to be standing around when things bubble over. le sigh. i'm that asshole. so all this trying to get divorced business is a total clusterfuck and has blown up in my face in the last twenty-four hours. and though i'm on the depo shot i'm still not having sex. just not interested, too depressed. i should be happy, got a shit-ton of good things going for me and i should be perfectly happy. but i'm not. there is no one that can make you feel like the world biggest fuck-up more than you can and that's what i've done. you ever have those days where you can't seem to do anything right and it feels like everyone is laughing at you because of it? maybe it's just me but i get that feeling and it drags my brain back to the playground in grade school. see my shrink tomorrow. feels like i am constantly in and out of some highly paid guy's office. things will get better in time, or at least what that what i've been lead to believe by said highly paid guys.