pudding

so i was sitting in the car with jax and kelsey and kelsey says, "what do you want to do for your birthday? just dinner?" and inside my head i screamed, hell no! i want to do something great. but what is this great thing i want to do? i have not fucking idea. of course i have no idea, i'm sitting here watching sex and the city and eating kfc. i wouldn't know great if it bit me in the ass. and all this hopeless romantic shit i feel all the time is getting me nowhere. maybe i shouldn't be watching this. i got a compliment on my hair today which of course means i have to change it. of course. i'm restless, but that's not new. i missed my appointment with my new shrink yesterday because i was trying to avoid construction on western and got miserably lost. i had to reschedule for next wednesday. i wish i hadn't missed it, maybe then i would have had drugs so that i wouldn't have to feel this way right now. that's a sad state of affairs isn't it? meh. whatever. have another appointment with my therapist on friday. she's the one who advised me to take a wait and see approach to all the chaos in my life right now. i'm trying very hard, but patience is a virtue that i simply do not possess and have a hard time trying to cultivate. another night alone, fucking awesome.