pudding

in my phone cam pics folder you will find a picture of my new nipple decorations. my boobs are so shiny now. this makes me happy. gives me something to take care of and gives me a good excuse to pay an undue amount of attention to my boobs. i've been so annoying lately, i'm acting like a needy little bastard and wish like hell i could do a better job of stopping. i got called into work today. i was still laying in bed when the phone rang. one of the my fellow wenches called in sick and today was a big eight hour sale. it was weird to be back at work. all the lights and noise are a far cry from the dungeon i've created out of my room at home. one of the light bulbs is out and i haven't bothered to replace it yet. trying to get out of the musical rut i've been in for some time. listening to all the sad shit is getting older by the minute. and all the super upbeat pop music doesn't fit either. i finally admitted to myself that there is no way i can stay in california. i simply will not be able to make enough money to stay here and am going to have to go home. i refuse to live in knob, maybe warrensburg or sedalia. somewhere close to my mom but just far enough away that i don't have to constantly run into all the people i burnt bridges with. fortunately most of those people have moved out of knob, thank god for small favors. i'm not sure when i will be moving, have to save up money and whatnot. but i shall return to the california, i'm not going to stay stuck in missouri any longer than i have to. enough of that talk, it's depressing me. besides i have until august to finalize everything, not very long, but long enough to forget about it for tonight. the real magic of having a phone cam lies in the fact that i can now take pictures of things like an awesome hoodie and ask my buddy kelsey if she thinks it's as cute as i do. vapid, girly, a little dumb, but so very true. i've given up on trying to be cool in the eyes of other people, in the psych ward i was one of the cool kids and i was just being myself. if i had tried to be anything else i wouldn't have gotten the help i needed. tomorrow is my dad's birthday and also my first visit with my new therapist. how...fucking...fitting. *eye roll* my mom called me today and reminded me to call him. what a downer. so many downers these days, it's hard not to be overwhelmed by all of them. oh well, give it time i guess.