i should write something really relevant here, but nothing is going on and i'm just sitting in my underwear drinking and eating frito pie. i'm starting to notice i give up on things all the time. my level of non-follow through is astounding. even the things i want really bad i toss aside like they don't matter. i get distracted and my ability to multitask is shot. i talk about living the dream all the time and have yet to really define what the god damn dream is. so here it is in no particular order:
1. i want to go back to school and major in english with a minor in women's studies.
2. i want a job that doesn't suck. i would love to do nails while going to school and eventually become a writer. i want a damn career that i can build a life around.
3. i want to get out of my shitty marriage and into something else that actually holds meaning to me. my marriage was a crock of shit and i'm not sure that i ever really loved joe as much as i loved the idea of getting out of missouri. sad and bitchy and dumb, but true. i want someone to care about.
4. i want to stop being bat-shit insane. that is not to say that i want to give up the burst of energy and creativity that come with the more manic parts of my personality but that i would rather not have to be either manic or depressed but a more level combo of the two. i don't want to be emo girl anymore. and enough of this passive-aggressive bullshit.
i think after i work on these everything else will fall gently into place. thats the dream. those are the major goals and of course there are a million sub-goals but the big ones will take care of the little ones in the end.
now for more mopey drunk girlness.
1. i want to go back to school and major in english with a minor in women's studies.
2. i want a job that doesn't suck. i would love to do nails while going to school and eventually become a writer. i want a damn career that i can build a life around.
3. i want to get out of my shitty marriage and into something else that actually holds meaning to me. my marriage was a crock of shit and i'm not sure that i ever really loved joe as much as i loved the idea of getting out of missouri. sad and bitchy and dumb, but true. i want someone to care about.
4. i want to stop being bat-shit insane. that is not to say that i want to give up the burst of energy and creativity that come with the more manic parts of my personality but that i would rather not have to be either manic or depressed but a more level combo of the two. i don't want to be emo girl anymore. and enough of this passive-aggressive bullshit.
i think after i work on these everything else will fall gently into place. thats the dream. those are the major goals and of course there are a million sub-goals but the big ones will take care of the little ones in the end.
now for more mopey drunk girlness.
rizzmatico:
i'm in a very similar place especially with 2 and 4 though i dont really want to do nails. but i do want a better more creative job like i had. this one pays way more but i think its killed my inner child 
i for some reason think i need to destroy my idea of my self and start over, write down the good and get rid of the rest, it wont be easy. thats why i think in a year i'm going to move to italy for at least a year and see how it goes there. i figure i might as well start with a clean slate. and if things go horribly wrong i always have family there. anyways i digress, i wish you good luck with finding the dream and it seems like you've taken a good step in writing it down, thats important in these things, people dont realize the value of writing things down and looking at them every day till you accomplish them. 
i for some reason think i need to destroy my idea of my self and start over, write down the good and get rid of the rest, it wont be easy. thats why i think in a year i'm going to move to italy for at least a year and see how it goes there. i figure i might as well start with a clean slate. and if things go horribly wrong i always have family there. anyways i digress, i wish you good luck with finding the dream and it seems like you've taken a good step in writing it down, thats important in these things, people dont realize the value of writing things down and looking at them every day till you accomplish them.