pudding

let me explain an interesting phenomenon that occurs in my life. good things happen to me and i, for one reason or another, always say/do things to destroy them. happy is not often my state of mind, angst-y is. for example, when i first started hanging out with the friends i run with now i was down for hanging out all the time and it was great and then out of nowhere i got on this kick where all i wanted to do was be alone and i slowly but surely started trying to push them away. as luck should have it i have great friends who would call me and try and get me to go out and upon finding out that i was not in the mood offered their shoulder at any time should i choose to accept it. and they didn't give up on my whiny emo ass. i get like that. and i don't know why. and i don't really want to fuck up the good things, i just don't know how to respond to them. the kindness of others is often met with a raised eyebrow and a mental checklist of possible motives for wanting me around. and i need to be reassured a lot, which gets annoying i know. so if i talk about being confused in the next few weeks it's only because some potentially awesome things are going on and i am trying to handle them without pulling my usual turn and run shit.

hung out with kelsey and em for most of the day today which was great. kelsey and i seem to have more in common every time we talk. and em cracks me up with her constant worrying and i might have just worked out a deal that would allow me to have creative license with her hair cut and color (she's a hair color virgin and has had the same cut for forever). that makes me laugh in a mad scientist way. bwhaha. no one should give me creative license, i can't be trusted.



fun fact: in my bag i have 7 lip balms, and 4 glosses as well as a small makeup case with 6 glosses, 8 shadows, mini eyeliner, mini mascara, 2 concealers, bronzer and a highlighter. how's that for girly?