pudding

we meet again ladies and gents. i've got self done highlights processing in my hair right now which means i am sitting in front of my computer wearing a black bra, jeans and socks, sipping a rum and coke, waiting for a boxed cheesecake to set up in the fridge and feeling/ looking much like a public service announcement targeted toward the lonely hearts club. all i would need to look like a middle aged desperate housewife is a trashy romance novel and a pair of hot pink kitten heel marabou slippers. sorry, i was channeling the frederick's of hollywood catalog there for a second, oops. like i really need to wonder why i'm alone tonight with an attitude like that. in all seriousness jax is home sick and em has to be in to work early, but then again so do i. i'm hoping the drinks will make me sleepy, they've taken away my headache which is more than i could have asked for. i'm listening to my "super sad shit" playlist just in case anyone out there is wondering how i feel lately. i never knew you, you never knew me. oh well. i got tossed out of therapy because the lady doesn't take my insurance, which would have been nice to find out before i got there but whatever. went bowling a couple nights ago, i don't suck at it as bad as i remember which is fucking nuts because the last time i bowled i was horrible. my old life is slipping away, unfortunately i haven't started the new one yet so i'm feeling this void where all my usual emotional vomit should be. a life in limbo shouldn't be too bad. that's where all the good shit is anyway, all the good stuff happens between the contrived ideals i wrap myself up in. the genuinely unexpected occurs there, and that is magic. opossum magic. the highlights in my hair turned out a bit lighter than they were supposed to, but it's an easy fix if i get too irritated with them. my cheesecake should be done by now. goodnight.