pudding

today wasn't as bad as i thought it was going to be. actually, it was unnervingly standard. i smiled a lot more today than i have in about a week, so i suppose that is a good sign. i'm such a loser, i watched mean girls while eating leftover pizza. yeah, it's pretty lame. em has plans tonight and joe is still at work so i am on my own. chasing carts in the parking lot gives me a lot of good time to think. plus it's a bit chilly outside so it keeps me awake. i found out today that i'm not a leper, which is good news. sometimes you just have to come out and say what you mean instead of skirting the issue. not that saying what you mean is always easy, you just have to blurt it out like an idiot. oh, and not making eye contact while you blurt out one stupid thing after another is key. just so you know. do this: make eye contact. look at feet. fidget. say dumb thing. pause. smile. make eye contact. this is what i resort to when i don't have anything good to say. and if the person you are talking to doesn't hear the retarded comment you made it's even better because you can brush it off like it never happened. i can't help it, i was drawn this way.