pudding

i preemptively called in sick to work tomorrow/ technically today. i was supposed to pull a 7:30 am. to 4:30 pm., but i highly doubt i could have kept it together that long. thank god for good-hearted bosses who are willing to write notes for me so that i don't have to call in and tell the big boss im not going to be there in the morning, it's good to know that someone has your back. its a little unnerving... no wait. ive been having a hell of a time since going off my meds on sunday. today i tried to call the after hours line for my shrinks office and the retarded cunt acting as the receptionist wrote down my phone number wrong the first time so the doctor called the wrong number back, i called again fifteen minutes later and she paged him with the right number, after not receiving a call from the doctor in the next fifteen minutes i had joe call and the cunt told him that it would take 30 minutes maximum for the doctor to get back to me. so i waited. well around this time i had to leave for work so while im driving i get a call from and unknown number and i answer and say hello. static, and then it hangs up. so the doctor either called me and hung up and didn't call back or he never got back to me in the first place, either way he sucks and i wanted to pound my head against the steering wheel. so i go to work and try to FOCUS despite the racing thoughts and general feeling of being disconnected with my own body. i like watching myself from somewhere outside my own head, its entertaining, my fellow crazies will back me up on this one. its like controlling a robot, albeit a broke ass bootleg one. so i get all kinds of fed up and around 8 i go to the emergency room so some random doctor can evaluate me and hopefully give up the good stuff in the form of the colorful tablets im used to gobbling up for breakfast. note that i did not say with breakfast, because antidepressants are a food group in and of themselves. so i get there and within the first 45 minutes i am asked for id and got my vital signs taken and was escorted to a room. at this point i am totally hopeful that i will receive the help i need. i had high blood pressure and an elevated heart rate for the record. so i wait in the room until 10:30, slowly growing more agitated. at 10:30 i exit my room and loiter around the outside of the big glass box where all the nurses are, none of them even raise an eyebrow. so i catch a nurse that is entering the glass box and say that i would really like to know if im going to see a doctor soon to which she replies that she will send my nurse to talk to me in a few minutes. i go back to my room and wait, and wait, and wait. after thirty minutes i got really fucking tired of waiting, because i could peer out of my room and see my nurse sitting there in the big glass box and not once in those thirty minutes did that dumb bitch even move a centimeter in my direction. now i could see having to wait and wait and wait had there been an eight car pile up and had people been being wheeled in on stretchers while bleeding out their insides. had there been a spleen on the floor i would have been more than happy to wait, but from what i could gather the biggest bleeder award belonged to a fourteen year old girl who sliced her palm open and required stitches. so i ripped off my wrist band, because if im not going to be treated like a real fucking patient why should i bother looking like one, and stalked out of the damn ER. i made sure to toss open the curtain to my room so that just in case anyone who demanded to be treated like a real patient needed the room the dumb as fuck nurses would know that it is now available. good luck to the unfortunate lot that gets to deal with those sad as fuck excuses for medical professionals tonight. for serious, i could have opened a vein in that room and no one would have noticed until the blood puddle reached the hallway, and then they probably would have just put up the tacky orange caution cones so as to avoid a lawsuit. so, im not going to work tomorrow, and i have monday, tuesday and wednesday off so hopefully by the time i go to work on thursday i will have at least begun to work out the problems im having. i have got to get this fixed because falling apart isnt as glamorous as they make it look in the movies. really, who in their right mind cries during sex and the city? that should be the gauge for mental illness.