pudding

i am lonely. damn it. i didn't sleep last night, i don't know what it was but i didn't feel like i needed to. i tried to sleep at four, but just rolled around until five. preoccupation is a bitch. i've been in the house all day just walking around thinking too much. writing too much. nothing like spilling your guts on paper. i have a knack for details. i see my shrink tomorrow, get to continue my psychiatric evaluation. i want my phone to ring, human contact would be great. there is enough rum left to get drunk, maybe i will do that, nothing else to do. i didn't do a damn thing today, guess that means tomorrow is the productive day. i'm smiling but it makes no sense at all, don't have a reason to be smiling. i'm lost. all of my nerves are on edge. i hate being home by myself. broke my slump, that's valuable information right? do you ever have those time when you can swear to god that someone out there is thinking the exact same thing you are at the exact same moment? i get that a lot, it sucks. i'm running around in circles. i just want to not think for a while, be a blank canvas and what not. all that good fortune i thought i was having hit the wall today. maybe it was meant for someone else. who wants to talk tonight? i will talk to anyone about anything. it's not often i am willing to field questions with one hundred percent honesty, so here is your shot. ask anything.